Friday, 22 December 2017

Dear Santa...



Dear Santa,



How are you? Season's greetings and all that. How is Mrs Claus and all the elves? I expect things are quite hectic as you're doing all your last minute preparations. 


Loading up the sleigh. Making sure the reindeers are well-rested for the big night. Checking your lists: one titled Naughty, and the other Nice. It must be a magical winter wonderland over there in the North Pole. I can only imagine, as it's summer here in the land of Oz.

However, I wonder if could be so cheeky as to interrupt your busy schedule to ask a few questions? They've been on my mind for a long time. Years, in fact. They're really rather important. I am a master at asking all the important questions, I think you will find. 


Okay, here goes. I will just fling them at you randomly and in no particular order. I've been over thinking about them for so long and I just need to get them off my chest:


  • Where did you find FLYING reindeers? 
  • Why are you always judging people? If they're naughty or nice? I mean, who are you to decide what's naughty? 
  • And furthermore, aren't you actually somewhat of a... err... STALKER? Watching people when they're sleeping or otherwise is just plain creepy, Santa. 
  • How do you fit enough presents for ALL THE CHILDREN IN THE WHOLE WORLD on one little sleigh?
  • Likewise, how are you able to traverse the entire planet in a single night? I'm sorry Santa, it just doesn't make sense. 
  • How do you get into houses or apartments that don't have chimneys? 
  • And, if they do have a chimney, how do you slide nimbly down them, given your advanced age and ample girth? Sorry to be a bit personal there, Santa. 
  • I need to know why I never received that much coveted Barbie Dream House when I was a child? I was nice! Mostly. Oh shut up, Santa. Yes, I know I got the Barbie Camper Van, but that's not the point! 
  • Furthermore, how can you POSSIBLY be in every single shopping centre at exactly the same time? Have you figured out how to clone yourself? 
  • And what about the poor little elves? Isn't it slave labour making them toil away in your workshop? Who's not nice now, Santa?
  • Last but not least Santa, riddle me this: why is it that parents do all the work, and then you come along in your red suit and hat all jolly like and TAKE ALL THE CREDIT! RUDE. 

Well Santa, I'm waiting. I want answers. And I want them NOW!

*Silence*

AHA! I thought so! You can't answer these questions, can you? It's almost as if...

YOU DON'T EVEN EXIST. 

There, I said it.

I've suspected this for some time. Especially after my tragic revelation about the phoney old dinner fairy. Sigh. And not just any sigh. A deep, long sigh containing all the sorrow of the ages. 

The thing is Santa, maybe you're not real. And you can't ever answer my questions. But you know what? Who cares!

I know, I know! I did a few lines ago. Details!

The truth is, we all need a little magic in our lives. To believe in fairy tales. Well, at least sometimes... To revisit our childhood innocence. We need some Christmas cheer. We all need this more than ever right now.

So on with the show, Santa! Load up that sleigh. It's nearly Christmas Eve! I'll have carrots ready for the reindeers. And I'll leave you out some wine and chocolate instead of milk and cookies, because I know that's what you'd really prefer. 😉

See you soon, Santa! 

Sincerely, 

Ness.

Do you still believe in Santa? 


Image credit: https://www.pexels.com/photo/blur-celebration-christmas-cookies-260498/
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