Sunday, 19 November 2017

Someone Like Me

One of the most common sayings or pieces of advice out there is "Just be yourself." Which seems obvious and easy on the surface. I mean, who else can you be? We don't really get a choice do we?

When you're someone like me, someone who is shy, quiet, introverted and Aspie it becomes even more complex. It often seems like none of those things are truly accepted in society. How do you accept yourself when society doesn't?

Which brings me to this quote from Brene Brown.
This Brene Brown person seems to know what she's on about. How did she get to be such a smarty pants?
It sounds like she is talking about self-acceptance. As I explained, this is a particularly thorny issue for me. Time and time again I fall into the trap of comparing myself to others. This is never helpful.
Who I think I should be: Some one who is confident and thoroughly competent. Organised and efficent.
Some one who is creative. But also driven, focused and determined.

I think I should be like everyone else. I dunno. Someone who likes the footy and fits in at parties.

Who plays netball and goes running. Someone who does a million things all with a smile on my face. Who is bubbly, personable and warm, always making others feel at ease.
Someone who keeps an immaculate house. Who adapts to changes. Takes risks.

Someone who always knows the right thing to say. How to explain things, answer questions and be a guide and mentor to my children.

I believe I should be someone who is positive, always seeing the brighter side of things. I believe I should have much more self-control, especially with my eating habits. I think I should be a health fanatic and be raising my boys in this way. I could go on and on and on...

Who I really am:

I am someone who forgets things. Important things. And not just once, but again, and again and again...
I am someone who always has a messy house. Who cannot make the simplest decisions. Cannot multi-task. I am the person who starts doing one thing, is interrupted and forgets the thing altogether. I am someone who gets overwhelmed easily if I have to do too many things.
I am always the quietest person in the room. An introvert. I am someone who has a lot of anxiety.
Who has never had a career. Who doesn't talk much at all. Who has many feelings but can't explain them. Who can't make friends easily. Is awkward at parties.
I am someone who is uncoordinated and doesn't like sport, participating or spectating.
I am someone who likes the same daggy music for decades.
I am someone who struggles to remain upbeat and positive constantly.

Someone who struggles to define my values and act upon them consistently.

I am not competitive or ambitious in any way.

I am disorganised and a daydreamer. I stop and start things. I don't really even know my own mind.

It's hard to explain. Like, I don't even know where I want to live. Consequently I still live in the same suburb I was born in almost 47 years ago.

Again, I could go on and on. But I won't.
I wish I could be different, but I'm not. And that's okay.
Just like the quote, I need to remind myself of this. Every single day.

What about you? Is authenticity a daily struggle for you?
PS: I am also someone who doesn't know how to fix things on this blog when it behaves weird. Why is it weird...??

1 comment:

  1. I think it's always hard when we try to be who we are not. I've learnt over time, it's okay to be who I am even if I'm not always perfect. But funnily enough, I learnt that to some people who don't know me too well, I still come across as having my shit together.