Monday, 21 August 2017

The Subject Of Selfies


Reasons I rarely take selfies: 




  • I have a dinosaur phone with a flip case. Apparently it's a 'mum' thing. I thought it was just a broke economical thing. Silly me. 
  • I AM a dinosaur. Consequently I can't take a decent photo to save my life. And I use idiotic expressions like 'can't take a photo to save my life'.
  • Duck face selfies are stupid. Related: they should be called cat's bum selfies instead. See above.
  • I don't like my double chin. Okay, chins.
  • I have no idea where I put my selfie stick... Hmmmm....
  • My house is quite...shall we say... lived in... Nobody needs to see that.
  • My life revolves around trips to Aldi and the doctor. Riveting. These occasions don't exactly strike me selfie opportunities.
  • My fashion style is basically described as 'whatever still fits'. So, yeah. Nothing to show there.
  • I'm told I can be quite negative. Pffft. Can't imagine why. So I don't really get into the whole hashtag blessed etc phenomenon.



Reasons I probably could (I won't say should) take selfies sometimes:





  • Nobody cares about my double chins besides me, and if they do, screw them.
  • My children might actually want to remember me one day, despite their current vehement antipathy to featuring in any photos with me on social media.
  • If I ever become a missing person or a murder victim, the authorities will have to use a dated image of me, such as the one of my bald noggin when I had chemo. On the plus side, I was assured that I have a lovely shaped head. Related: I may have been listening to too many true crime podcasts...
  • Last time I posted a selfie on Facey I had several people comment on how GORGEOUS I am. They were probably just blowing smoke up my arse, but I don't get many compliments, so I'll take it.
  • Taking a selfie, however bad, might be a good distraction when I'm feeling wobbly (ie anxious) when out and about.
  • Who says you have to be good at everything you do? Just do it anyway. Perfect is boring. I'd never do anything if I had that attitude. Oh wait...
  • I recently had a haircut and I have finally lost the frizz! It's now just wavy but not frizzy. Okay, that's not that exciting to anyone else but me. I can finally get a brush through it again! YAY! 




So I should probably end this with a selfie, but I'm wearing an alluring combo of track suit pants and a purple Best & Lest jumper that's seen better days. Actually, I lie. It never had better days. It was always hideous. I think your mental picture should be sufficient. You're welcome.

But I will 'get in the picture' at some point...

Over and out.

Do you take selfies? What is the best way to disguise double chins? 

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1 comment:

  1. Ohh you had me going there...waiting, waiting, waiting for the selfie..and then NO! Oh no fair. Love you and your work though! Thank you for linking up for #lifethisweek 32/52. Next week: Mindfulness.

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