Saturday, 1 April 2017

Horror Scopes

Hello there! It's the weekend again, lovely people. Now, make yourself comfortable, sit down with a glass of wine, and let's talk about horror scopes. Erm... I mean... horoscopes. 

Do you read yours? I must confess, I do not. This may come as no surprise, but I'm quite the cynical old soul in regards to such frivolities.  However, I figured why not? Let's have a look into this nonsense, shall we? At any rate, I can't think of anything else to write, and I've had a scotch or two, so this should be interesting... 

Yep. I am a Greedy Emo. 

I made my way into this mad old world on January 15th of 1971. According to astrology this makes me a Capricorn. And a Greedy Emo. See above.

It is an indisputable FACT that all Capricorns are dazzlingly clever and divinely beautiful. Okay, I may have made that up. (Or stolen it from LM Montgomery...). There was no need for the word 'may' in that sentence... But aren't all horoscopes fiction? So why can't I invent whatever it is that I want? HMPH.

Anyway, I just did a bit of the old googling and this is my horoscope for yesterday:

It's a good time to build up your self-esteem in terms of expressing yourself. Deep down inside, you're a very creative person, and today is a good day to let that show. Get involved in planning or cooking a meal, and volunteer to set the table. You can arrange the settings in a unique way -- let yourself do something that strikes people as downright odd. It's all part of encouraging yourself to take chances and express your natural talents.

Indeed, I have been cooking a lot lately, as well as setting the table in my own unique way. This involves flinging mismatching crockery and cutlery at the table in a most random fashion. Food follows likewise, because by the time I get to this point of the proceedings I am completely over it all and don't care anymore, so they can eat it or starve. 

But back to me being a Capricorn. 

According to Google, Capricorn personality traits are as follows:

Capricorn Traits : The Capricorn-born people are the most determined of the entire Zodiac. The most prominent qualities of the Goats, as they are called, are that they are ambitious, conservative, determined, practical and helpful.
Bwahahahahahahaha! NO.
How I fervently wish that the above was true for me! I am not at all determined or ambitious. I suppose I'm conservative, with a teensy little subversive streak that makes a guest appearance now and again. Like when I write rambling blog posts while I'm tipsy (or stone cold sober...). Living on the edge! 
Additionally, us goats are reputed to be quite stubborn. I've never thought of myself as stubborn. However, I don't cope with change whatsoever, so I'm wondering if that is, in fact, a form of stubbornness? What say you? 
Meanwhile, I just read the following passage and it certainly does resonate: 
Capricorn women typically enjoy people though they are often thoughtful, self-contained and shy. Their quiet exterior can make them appear to be loners, often building a wall of reserve around themselves. They are very loyal to those they care for, but often cold to those outside of their circle of friends and family. They are often highly cautious and analytical when making new friends.


My initial thoughts were that I am NOTHING like a Capricorn. However, after my drunken online reading, some of it does resonate. I reckon it's all open to interpretation and you can read whatever you want into it. I'd still never take horror scopes too seriously, but they're quite fun some of the time. Or maybe that's the scotch talking... You be the judge.

And now a final look at all of our horror scopes for the for the future...

I think that sums it up. 

What do you think? What star sign are you? Does it reflect your personality? Or do you think it's all a load of bollocks? 


  1. Have you ever heard of the Weird Al song "That's Your Horoscope for Today?" (or something like that). I don't believe in it, either. But be careful, the stars may be out to get you now!

  2. Ah I enjoyed your post. I don't believe in horoscopes but the star signs are so much fun.

  3. Horoscope predictions are definitely fiction, but I have found the sun sign analysis to be about 80% accurate for most people I know. And yes, not coping well with change is a kind of stubbornness or rigidity. :D I think Capricorns are fun. They can really laugh at themselves. Yet, they are serious people.

  4. I love reading my horoscope! The clever ones make you believe anything is possible. Except for this one. Not sure how much I'll accomplish today as a flaky derelict. LOL

  5. I've read them from time to time. I only like them when they suit me!! You were exactly 8 days old when we got married...I have three capricorns in my life and I fire up with 2 of 3 of them..not in a good way mostly. Thank you for linking up for #lifethisweek 14/52. Next week: Easter

  6. Haha...hello fellow-Capricorn! I don't believe in horoscopes but I do love a good laugh and I find I get that reading horoscopes. You should totally read the ones in the weekend papers --- they are hilarious!

  7. OMG this is sooo true! I AM an awkward fucktard! How did they know? hahahaha

  8. Ha ha love that last final look at the horoscope. I am guilty of reading my stars in the paper and always find a way that it somehow relates to my life. I can be a nuerotic bitch, my husband will attest to that lol. Not sure about giving birth to three obessesive twats! Sucker for punishment. ;)

  9. Alas. I do believe in horror scopes. The bad predictions always come true :( Too bad the good ones remain a work of fiction