Friday, 14 October 2016
Then And Now
Welcome to another fabulous Friday! My second favourite F word. You all know what the first one is!
Don't know what YOU were thinking.
Anyway, it's time to join in yet again for Friday Reflections!
I decided to merge two of the prompts because I thought they tied in neatly together.
What did you want to be as a kid?
Did you think you'd be doing what you're doing now?
I was never really one of those kids who woke up one morning and thought: when I grow up I want to be a doctor/teacher/ballerina.
Just as well because; a) I can't stand the sight of blood, b) I struggle to even get through my kids homework, and c) I have the grace of an elephant on roller skates.
If I thought about it all, I most likely assumed that I was going to be the next Enid Blyton. I adored her novels and read them obsessively. However, I never had a real plan.
I've always been a dreamer not a doer. Consequently I've kind of drifted through life. And here I am.
I always knew exactly what I DIDN'T want to do, but at the same time had no clear idea what I DID want to do.
As high school cruised towards it's inevitable finale, I had to make a decision. I enjoyed studying German. In fact, I was the genius who somehow failed English in my HSC and passed German. Go figure.
If I remember those heady mullet-permed days correctly, I decided to apply to university to study interpreting and translating. The only catch was, you had to be bilingual, fluent in two languages. It turns out that a couple of years of high school German wasn't enough to make me fluent. Who knew? So that idea was over with before it even started.
To cut a long story short, I ended up studying at TAFE, something they used to call Library Practice (it's called something else now), and worked in libraries for a while. Until I didn't. Then I did again. Then I had babies and stayed home to look after them. Fast forward fifteen years. I'm still here, even though they're not babies anymore. Details...
Anyway, my point is, I now believe I was on the right track with the library thing. I always imagined that someday I'd go back to it, but now I have this cavernous fifteen year gap in my resume. Oops.
That's the thing about me. I'm not really one thing nor the other. I'm not a driven, career-oriented person, but I'm not really a house-wifey type either. It's another one of those curious dichotomies or contradictions about me: I'm a homebody and introvert, who definitely prefers being in my own space most of the time, but I'm not actually brilliant at being the person in charge of running the home. Weird.
Hmmm, I guess I really should have been an eccentric stay-at-home millionaire or something...
Or a professional daydreamer! Which is almost the same thing as being a writer. Well, except for the actual writing and getting paid part...
Unfortunately, the thought of being an author was always more of a fanciful daydream. A kind of 'yeah wouldn't that be nice' thing rather than having a concrete plan and goal.
The only thing I really knew for sure as a child, was that one day I wanted to be a wife and mother. So in that sense, you could say I am doing what I thought I'd be doing.
Admittedly, when I just thought and daydreamed about being a mother it was SO much easier! I was a perfect parent. Until I had kids!
In my fantasies of being a grown up I was a tall, regal auburn haired 'Anne Shirley' type. I was married to my very own Gilbert Blythe. I had endless patience and wisdom to impart to my angelic fictional children.
Scenes played out in my head like something out of a movie or sit-com. I must have spent way more time watching television when I was growing up than I realised!
To be honest, I never really thought specifically about what I'd be doing in my 40's. When you're a kid 20 seems ancient, let alone 40!
I didn't have such a great grasp of reality. Possibly due to all those Enid Blyton books and American sit coms I consumed. I'm sure I figured I'd be much better looking than I am and have a beautiful, immaculate home.
But you know what? Real life is way more interesting. 'Perfect' is overrated.
As it turns out, even my childhood idol, Enid Blyton, was far from perfect. Well, according to her wikipedia page, anyway. If it's on the internet it must be true, right? Snorts.
Her novels have also been criticised as being all sorts of dodgy things, including racist, in today's world. But they did provide me with some flights of fancy and a love of reading, so no harm done.
And while I may not have followed in her footsteps, I can still tap away here and indulge my love of words. Yeah, you're totally welcome!
Sure, there are moments when I wish I was more ambitious and goal-oriented, but for some one who has drifted and daydreamed through life, I don't have too much to complain about.
Linking up for Friday Reflections.
What did you want to be as a kid?
Did you think you'd be doing what you are now?
Labels: Ambitions, Books, Childhood, Daydreamer, Friday Reflections, Library Practice, Reading, Writing
Hi, I'm Vanessa but everyone calls me Ness. I'm married to Mick and Mum to three boys. My interests include exercising vigorously, staring into space vacantly and a disturbing Karen Carpenter obsession. At age 40 I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. I'm always off in my own little World so I figured I may as well invent one. Welcome to Nessville! Thanks for stopping by!