Monday, 5 September 2016

So long and thanks for all the confessions...


It's hard to believe that I started this blog all the way back in 2012. For those of you who may remember, those were my good old Ness of Boganville days, before I became all classy and elegant. Shut up. 

I started blogging not knowing what I was doing. Clearly nothing has changed in that regard. I was quite clueless about the whole big blogosphere out there. Then somehow I stumbled upon another blog called My Home Truths by Kirsty Russell. 

Kirsty hosted a link up every Monday called I Must Confess. I began joining in with the confessions most weeks. I must admit, being the kind of ad hoc, lazy, disorganised type of person and blogger that I am, the link up motivated me to keep going and also gave me a prompt to write about it.  So it's thanks to Kirsty that I'm here so many years later still boring entertaining you with my shit wit. Sadly, Kirsty has decided to retire the link up after an amazing five-year run, so today is the very last I Must Confess. Sigh. Sad face. 




Seeing as though it's the last confession, Kirsty has asked us to go out with a bang and reveal our biggest confession EVER.

Look, there are some things that I will never divulge even if you tied me up and tortured me. Well, maybe if the torture was being denied cake, I'd probably give in. But that's just me. 

What I'm getting at is, I don't have any huge, monumental, shocking thing to tell. 

But the link up ending makes me think about my resistance to change.

I must confess I often feel sheepish and redundant. As if everyone else is moving on with their lives: making decisions and doing all the things and all I seem to do is struggle with illness. 

I set up my life in such a way; being a stay at home mother, because I was certain that it was the right thing for me in order to protect my mental and physical health. Being an introvert and also on the spectrum the whole multi-tasking, working, soccer mum thing is overwhelming to me. Then I ended up struggling with anxiety anyway and ultimately getting breast cancer. Yeah, my plan worked out well.  

You can probably hear violin music swelling right about now. I promise I'll only indulge in my pity party for another paragraph (or two) and then mention cake again. Cake fixes everything. 

And here's another thing: sometimes it seems like getting my ASD diagnonsense wasn't exactly what it was cracked up to be. To be blunt it kind of felt like: Yes, you have ASD. FUCK YOU. Apart from understanding myself better, there wasn't much to be gained from it. Five years down the track, I'm still not sure how I feel about it. It's a huge, revealing thing to discover about yourself, but a gigantic yawn to everyone else. Furthermore, it probably just comes across as something to use to make excuses for things. Only others who are also on the spectrum can understand. And even then, all of us are different. 

Anyway, not sure where I'm going with this. I guess I just wanted to have my little whinge. Most likely because I've been through a prolonged period of stress. A breast cancer diagnonsense will do that to you. Funny that. When this happens, you have no choice but to get on with things and do what you have to do to get through treatment. Some months later it hits you and you have all the feels. So I just allow myself to have my sooky la la moments and then snap myself out of it and move on. After all, I saw my doctor last Friday and she was very happy with my outcome. She wants to see me again in twelve months time. Yay! Anyway, enough about that.

Now let's move onto the cake! 

It's been fun making these confessions every Monday. I hope you've enjoyed reading them as much as I've enjoyed writing them. 

Over the years I've revealed so many underwhelming fascinating things: 

From the things I don't get about sport to what's in my handbag, 
to my worst habit. And I'm sure you slept better after reading all of those posts. You're welcome.

Therefore, you'll be pleased to know I'm not going anywhere. I'll still be blogging away about nothing. It's a gift, so I can't waste it. Duh. 

And the other good news is that the I Must Confess community isn't totally kaput. Kirsty also has an amazing Facebook group
where we can all vent our spleen (terrific expression, that), have a little whinge or rant and share our triumphs and joy. The great thing about it is, you don't even have to be a blogger to join in! So pop over and join us here!

Plus, the other great news is there will be a brand new, shiny Monday link-up starting over at  Denyse Whelan Blogs. 
You'll be able to find me joining in the fun over there! 

Finally, thanks a million to Kirsty and I wish her all the great things in moving her blog forward. And now let's have some celebratory cake!  Of course they are virtual cakies, so we have to imagine them or go and buy or bake our own. I think wine is needed as well, even though it's Monday morning. Details! 



And for some reason I feel the need for the final ever I Must Confess to fade out while serenading Kirsty with an 80s power ballad. Because I'm pretty sure that as a dedicated Eurovision fan, she's quite partial to a good old 80s power ballad. Take it away, Taylor Dayne! 




Saying goodbye
Is never an easy thing
But you  never said
You'd stay forever
So if you must go
Well darlin' I'll set you free
But I know in time
We'll be together

I won't try
To stop you now from leaving
'Cause in my heart I know

Love will lead you back
Someday I just know that
Love will lead you back to my arms
Where you belong

I'm sure, sure as stars are shining
One day you will find me again
And it won't be long
One of these days 
Our love will lead you back

One of these nights
I'll hear your voice again
You're gonna say 
How much you miss me
You'll walk out that door
But someday you'll walk back in
Darlin' I know, I know this will be

Sometimes it takes
Some time out on your own now
To find your way back home

Love will lead you back
Someday I just know that
Love will lead you back to my arms
Where you belong

I'm sure, sure as stars are shining

One day you will find me again
And it won't be long
One of these days
Our love will lead you back


Written by Diane Eve Warren • Copyright © RealSongs



What is your biggest confession EVER?

Do you cope with change?

Which 80s power ballad would you serenade Kirsty with? 




Linking up for the last ever I Must Confess. 
Reactions:

13 comments:

  1. What a beautiful and emotional post. Thanks for the confession Ness. I am good with change - in fact I embrace it. Sometimes the change is good but when it's not, I no longer beat myself up for making a mistake

    ReplyDelete
  2. I almost included a farewell song in my post as well.

    Now can I just say... 'I must confess I often feel sheepish and redundant. As if everyone else is moving on with their lives: making decisions and doing all the things and all I seem to do is struggle with illness.' THIS! Resonated with me the most. Can so relate right now. Here if you want or need to chat. xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. I start all the things and then do them half-assed. Does that help?

    ReplyDelete
  4. I don't know if I have a confession to share right now. I'm pretty much an over-sharer and I think I've put it all out there before. But I'm sad the linky is over, even though I didn't join up nearly as much as I wanted to. Lovely goodbye. x

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love this post Ness. I often feel redundant to, especially now that my boys don't seem to need me as much. So happy that your Dr is pleased with where you are at. Keep on smiling gorgeous lady.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Have loved meeting and getting to know you better through I Must Confess, Ness. And will continue to follow and read you because I love your style x

    ReplyDelete
  7. I came across your blog through the link up and will be continuing to follow now that it is over.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Mmmm cake does help - in our family it's pie. Or maybe ice cream.... With chocolate sauce on top.

    Thanks for stopping at GivingNSharing to say hi. Have a wonderful week!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Mmmm cake does help - in our family it's pie. Or maybe ice cream.... With chocolate sauce on top.

    Thanks for stopping at GivingNSharing to say hi. Have a wonderful week!

    ReplyDelete
  10. You are one talented writer you know! I loved reading your post, and it was full of such wonderful lines and clever too. I appreciate your kind words too about my linky Ness. Many thanks again. Denyse xx

    ReplyDelete
  11. You are so awesome - you don't need any sort of diagnonsense (I love that term by the way!) to prove that. I've loved your posts and I've loved how you've contributed to the linkup over the years. I'm humbled to think that I've helped you continue with the blog with this linkup - thanks for your support, both as a blogger and a friend x

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thank goodness for Kirstys link up that you kept going! Your posts make me so happy, and can always relate. Looking forward to seeing you at Denyse's blog and of course at #openslather xx

    ReplyDelete
  13. What a great post. So full of emotion and yes Kirsty's link up was great for so many bloggers.

    Thanks for linking up to #MummyMondays

    ReplyDelete