Friday, 16 September 2016

Letter to my 35 year old self...

Dear Ness,

Hello there 35 year old Ness. Greetings from your future self. I am the 45 year old you. Let me tell you, the next ten years are going to be one hell of a ride. If you knew what was in store for you it would make your hair curl. Related: something will make your hair curl*. It's probably better if you don't know what it is. No, mullet perms have NOT come back into fashion!

I will tell you this: you are much stronger than you think you are. Another thing: you're NOT FAT. In fact, ten years from now you will be wishing to be as 'fat' as you are now.

Enjoy your metabolism while you still have one, because shortly it will make a hasty exit stage door right never to be seen again! Sorry. That's just the truth. There's nothing you can do about it. Oh wait. There are a couple of things: 

1. Exercise!
2. Stop eating all that cake and crap! 

In five years time you will discover some very revealing and fascinating information about yourself**. The fact that this revelation will be a huge yawn to everyone else doesn't lessen it's significance to you. It's all pretty amazing. In some ways your life will be changed forever even though other things are exactly the same. I know I am being mysterious and enigmatic but let's face it you always have been.  A woman of hidden depths. 

A riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. Or, you know, a woman wrapped in a dressing gown inside a suburban house. Details. 

While mullet perms thankfully haven't made a comeback, something else that you enjoyed as a teenager does. You know all those letters you wrote? Well, you're going to write letters (of sorts) again, but on the internet. There are also lots of fun times ahead. Oh and don't worry, Mickey Blue Eyes will be fine. He will be a long time cancer survivor and an inspiration. 

You will be the mother of a lanky 15 year old and a beautiful 12 year old. There will be another baby but not without a few bumps along the way. Then your family will be complete. 

There won't be any teleporting available and you haven't become a millionaire. You're still waiting for that  McMansion, but you've made peace with it if it never arrives (likely).  In many ways you're a different woman even though nothing appears to have changed on the surface. It's odd. Changes in life aren't always what you think they're going to be. They can be a change in attitude or thinking. A shift in the way you see yourself. Becoming more aware that the little things in life are really what matter, even though a McMansion would be nice. 

Plus, while there are things about yourself that you'll never exactly love (for example, you'll always wish you were less anxious), you'll be able to exist with them. And you'll also realise that there are other unique things about you that are pretty freaking awesome. Maybe they don't look they way they are 'supposed' to look, but nevertheless they're awesome. There will be times when you might not see this (your awesome traits), but others will. You're very lucky that way. 

Related: I'm not going to tell you to stop comparing yourself with others or over thinking. Time and again you'll fall into this trap. There isn't a magic age when this stops. But you're able to recognise it and move on from it faster. The best way to do so is to take some action. It doesn't have to be anything grand and monumental. Just moving is enough. 

Which brings me to my next point.  You love tapping away here but make sure you get up and move as well. You need to exercise whether you like it or not. (See above).

You also need a gentle reminder to leave the house more often. You're inclined to become a hermit. There's nothing wrong with being a loner and introvert, you just need to mix it up a bit.

So get on with it dear girl. 

And no, I am not going to disclose to you the current winning lotto numbers. There's no point. You never take a ticket. And even if you did, you'd just lose it. You're a scatterbrain. Funnily enough, having three children hasn't improved upon this fact. One of these days you will see that being a scatterbrain isn't the worst thing you could be, and what's more you're a funny and (mostly) lovable scatterbrain. 

Having said that, you do need to make some effort to be slightly more organised and to snap out of your dream world occasionally. And you will. It does get somewhat better, but you will never be one of these brisk and efficient, multi-tasking types. Sorry, it's just not going to happen! And daydreaming is underrated anyway. 

So anyway, I've got to go. I'm expecting a letter from 55 year old me any moment. I'll be so freaking happy to receive that letter. You have no idea. So happy that I'm not even freaking out at the sound of that rather mature age. Well, maybe a little...

Good things are coming! 

Curly hair is just one of them! 

Keep being awesome. 


45 year old Ness

*In late 2015 I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer. Chemo made my hair grow back curly.
**In 2011 I was diagnosed with ASD, formerly known as Asperger's Syndrome. 

Linking up for Friday Reflections.

A big thank you to Sanch and the gang at Write Tribe for making me one of last week's featured writers for my story! Yay! I get a cocktail! You can read the story here

What would you tell yourself ten years ago (besides the winning lotto numbers)? 


  1. I need to advise my future self on getting up and moving! Great letter, Vanessa.

  2. This is awesome - especially about the curls - oh can you imagine getting this letter! x

    1. I know! Makes you realise it's probably better not knowing what's ahead. Thanks love xo

  3. Would be really interesting to get a letter from a future self. But then I think it's better not to know. Life is as it should be. Thanks for sharing your story.

    1. Yes, I think you're right. Better to not know but hope for the best. Thanks for reading.

  4. Really made me wonder what I would write to my 42 year old self! Hmm.

    1. It does get you thinking, which is great!

  5. Thank you for sharing your story, I enjoyed reading it. And congratulations on being a featured writer last week :)


  6. Love the advice to your past self :) The news when you turned 40 would have been big! And I love how optimistic you are, especially knowing all you have had to go through in the last year! Big love Ness!

    1. It was pretty huge. At 40 and a big past year. It can only get better. Thanks so much, Sanch!

  7. I have to my 10 yr old self - enjoy doing all the mistakes that you are doing, you will learn better! nice letter

    1. Great advice! Yes, we all learn from mistakes. Thanks!

  8. A very witty and poignant letter to your former self. Lots of great insight and wisdom. I enjoyed reading it.

    Visiting from Friday Reflections