A peculiar sensation has come over me. I wonder what it is? Something so unfamiliar I cannot define it. I have to think about it before it unfolds in my mind. Yes, that's it. I'm smug.
I ticked off a list. That is HUGE. For me. I'm scatterbrained.
It seems to be a curious dichotomy about me that I crave order and routine, but am thoroughly inept and incompetent at actually creating at. Weird.
I needn't have been so smug. Predictably my foray into organisation didn't last. And even when I have ticked these lists there is no discernible evidence of activity in my surroundings. My home still looks haphazard and sloppy. Sigh.
This week I've looked into various organisational apps including FlyLady, Habitica. Evernote and Todoist.
I was determined that the time had come when I would finally morph into a Domestic Goddess. With a capital D and a capital G.
Or maybe not. But that's okay, because what I lack in housekeeping skills I more than make up for in poetry writing skills. Yep, I'm poetic GENIUS.
I need to have a schedule, a rythym, a routine
Make my home a sanctuary, immaculate, pristine
After all, I hear you say, you don't have an office job
You've no excuse for being such a lackadaisical slob
But, I reply, my house is frightfully pokey and tiny!
I glower and pout, all whingey and whiney
Before you judge me, why don't you do the math?
Don't patronise me with your presumptuous wrath
Residents total five, but rooms only seven
Hardly anyone's idea of domestic heaven
We live here in CHAOS*, clutter, confusion
Where 'Better Homes & Gardens' is just an illusion
And yes, I really must confess, it does cause stress
To live in pandemonium, such a muddled-up mess
But it seems that I'm a freak without the neat part
I want to clean it up, but don't know where to start
It's simple, you say, you have to make a list
Then tick it off, forget your daily Facebook tryst
Dutifully I write it down, commence the first task
It's tedious, time-consuming, school hours fly by fast
When the day is done there seems to be no reward
I'm grumpy, dissatisfied and frankly terminally bored
Snap out of it, you say, don't get into a tizzy
A dedicated Domestic Goddess must always keep busy
With my tears of anguish I slowly wash the dishes
The suds go down the sink along with all my wishes
Wishes for a gleaming home, all shiny and new
Lots of lovely, pretty things, a dishwasher too
Look, you say, all you need is a trip to Ikea
This is as appealing to me as explosive diarrhoea
But there's no time to waste, I have to cook dinner
Now's my chance to prove that I'm a culinary winner!
When I look inside the fridge my expression turns wary
Judging from it's contents I expect the dinner Fairy
Tsk, tsk, you admonish, don't you understand?
You should always have this sorted, make a meal plan!
Then get your children involved, everyone must help!
My kitchen is as big as a postage-stamp, I holler and yelp
Ignoring your disdain, I defiantly order take-away
Getting out of bed was my biggest mistake today
Sure, I could have put some soup on and left it to simmer
But the chance of it being eaten? Not even a glimmer!
I should have tried harder, worked longer and faster
It seems MY WHOLE LIFE is a domestic disaster!
Before long it's time to go bed and admit defeat
So I can get up and do all again. Rinse. Repeat.
It's something that is terribly difficult to explain
It's not my fault that I have a typical Aspie brain
I struggle with something called executive function
Forgetting absolutely everything expect to have my luncheon
Now I sit here still feeling dejected and forlorn
I want a clean house, but I'm constantly torn
Somehow I never achieve anything no matter how I slog
For now I say forget it, I'd much rather write this blog!
*CHAOS = Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome
Side note: as I'm about to hit publish on this post, my house is actually surprisingly tidy (for me). So I've got about a half hour window for anyone to drop in right now. Oh wait. It's school pick up time. The boys will be home shortly. CHAOS again! Oh well, I tried!
Linking up (late!) for I Must Confess
What is your biggest domestic disaster?