I've avoided rambling on too much here about my cancer 'journey'. I'm not really sure why. Probably a number of reasons. For one thing, my boys might read it. For another, even I don't want to think about cancer all the time, let alone some one else.
But one of the things that drives me batty is people's insistence that you must be positive ALL THE TIME.
It's obvious that I'm not a cheerful, upbeat, bubbly, person. Never have been, never will be. But I'd like to think I'm not the extreme opposite of that either. I'm not a draining, whinging, 'negative Nelly' or 'Debbie Downer'. I've made no secret of the fact that I struggle with anxiety. Despite my struggles, I still try to keep things light-hearted here, because this is my happy place and I want people to leave here with a smile. So I'm not totally negative.
But I don't understand how people think you can be positive all the time in the face of something as confronting as cancer. Sure, we've all met or heard of people who seem to be, but I'm certain even they have their dark moments. After all, we're all human and no one wants to be told that they or a loved one has cancer.
However, in the spirit of keeping things light-hearted, I've decided that all those Positive Polly's just may be right. Positive Polly's as opposed to Negative Nelly's. They shall henceforth be referred to in this post as PP's in an effort to be succinct. And just because I'm juvenile and like to call some one a Pee Pee. *Sniggers*
Yes indeed folks, perhaps POSITIVITY is the answer to everything!!!!! I put it in capitals because all the PP's seem to be so ENTHUSIASTIC about it and pepper their conversations and Facebook updates with multiple exclamation points. I barely have the energy to type them, let alone infuse so much effervescence into any interaction. But not anymore!!!!!!!!
That's right people, you heard it here first!!! I'm going to give positivity a red hot go. WARNING; Many exclamation points ahead!!!! Proceed at your own peril!!!!
From now on everything is just FABULOUS, FANTASTIC, BRILLIANT and utterly WONDERFUL!!!!! You are what you think, after all. And I think I'm AWESOME!!!!
In fact, The Lego Movie got it right. EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!!!! Yes, even Lego! If it decorates the floor on a daily basis and I tread on it and suffer pain multiple times a day, then that's just a reminder of my beautiful children who are inspired to create things with the Lego. The fact that they mostly create a mess is COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT!!!
Isn't is just amazing to be alive? Another day has arrived, glistening with possibility. The autumn sun shines it's glorious warmth over my home. Previously I was never a morning person. But now that I'm so POSITIVE I simply cannot wait to get out of bed in the morning!!!!! Especially because my weekdays begin with that most THRILLING of tasks: packing school lunches!!! YAY!!!The only thing more fulfilling is throwing out the half eaten ones from the day before. Excellent!
Now I am joining the ranks of happy, shiny, people on social media posting endless updates about my fascinating and rewarding life. Hashtagblessed hashtaggrateful hashtaglifeisgood hashtagpositivitypowerof. Oops. Strike that, reverse it! Hashtagpowerofpositivity
Apparently if you smile even when you don't feel like it, you can trick yourself into being happy. Related: my jaw is aching. But I'm SO HAPPY!!!!! Yep. Delirious with joy, loving life, high on the pure wonder of being alive!!!! I don't sound ever so slightly unhinged, do I??? I didn't think so!!!!
I can't believe it has taken me so long to see the light!! Hang on, that deserved capitals. SEE. THE. LIGHT. I am well. I am joyous. I am safe in the World. Everything is working out for my highest good. Positive affirmations are my friend!!!!! Let's totally ignore the fact that I repeated these statements to myself ad nauseum for months and years in the past and then shitty things happened anyway.
Whatever I put out to the universe WILL come back to me. Which probably explains why all I ever wanted from the universe was copious cakie things and consequently I now have a spare tyre and a double chin. But that doesn't matter because I am perfect as I am! My body is unique, resplendent, a gift and good health is my divine right!!!! I know it!!
No, I'm not having a nervous breakdown AT ALL. What are you talking about?????
You guyz!!! This positivity shiz is freaking DOPE. I can't imagine how I ever thought it was ANNOYING AF. What was I thinking?? Those days are over!!!!
Now that I'm so POSITIVE I can see that all the PP's were totally right: EVERYTHING DOES HAPPEN FOR A REASON!!!!!
I mean, I'm sure there's a reason why children get cancer and senseless things happen in the world on a daily basis, even if I haven't figured out what the reason is yet...
And I now know that breast cancer was the BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME because now I'm a changed woman!!!!
Previously pink made me puke, but now I have to constantly THINK PINK!!! Why not? Pink is good! Pink flowers, pink champagne, pink clothes, pink cupcakes, pink lipstick, PINK music, pink EVERYTHING!!!! In fact, why don't I just channel Barbara Cartland and make everything in my entire life pink???!!! Our house desperately needs a makeover. I do live with a family of males, but it's time to dispense with gender stereotypes anyway! Pink it is! Even for the boys rooms!
It's going to be SUBLIME!
|I need this bedroom! It's so pink and frilly..so ME!!!|
Tonight when I have to cook dinner in my teeny, tiny, postage-stamp sized kitchen, I will not let out a blood-curdling scream of frustration like I did the other night. No siree. I will be calm and centred and full of gratitude for my chops and veg. The lumps in my mashed potatoes will be lumps of fairy sunshine suffused with sheer delight. When my children reject this food, I will not feel peeved and put out. I will lovingly let them eat toast. Well, they haven't starved yet so it's all good, right?? It's better than good, it's BRILLIANT.
OH EM GEE I am floating on air. I'm not going to whinge and whine about the cold weather. The fact that people insist that it's 'easy' to get warm in winter (as opposed to cooling off in summer) while my feet are permanent blocks of ice, despite my rather fetching attire of trackies, a parka, beanie and uggs, doesn't bother me at all. Noice. There is so much to look forward to: housework and supervising homework, and more housework and more supervising homework. I can now do it with this permanent cheesy grin fixed on my face. I don't look like a lunatic. Whatever gives you that idea?
POSITIVE POSITIVE POSITIVE POSITIVE POSITIVE!!!!!!!!!
BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
*Pauses for breath..*
Good God, that was the longest five minutes of my life. Being positive is freaking EXHAUSTING.
Now the only thing I'm positive about is that I need a good lie down.
But before I go, a question for all you PP's out there:
What drugs are you on and where do I get them?
Linking up for I Must Confess.
What's the one thing that drives you crazy?