Monday, 8 February 2016

I Have Never...

It's often quite disconcerting to realise that I've reached the mature age of 45 without doing a great deal things you might have expected a 45 year old woman to do. 

The list is long and comprehensive. I have never:

Had a career.
Been on a plane by myself (without my parents or Mick). 
Gotten a tattoo.
Taken illegal drugs.
Or even smoked a cigarette.
Stood naked in the rain.
Been thoroughly grown up and competent.

Had an affair (Mickey Blue Eyes will be not at all surprised shocked and relieved here). 
Broken someone's heart. 
Been a total bitch. 
Seen snow.
Been surfing.
Learnt to swim (shut up). 
Liked sport. This makes me somewhat of a freakish Australian. 
Bungee jumped.
Ridden a motor-cycle.
Played an instrument.
Been able to raise my voice much above a whisper.
I've never been to me, just like Charlene, (and I've never exactly understood what that song meant). 
Liked rides or amusement parks. 
Worn a bikini. 

The thing is, though, for the most part I have never really wanted to do these things. I've never had a sort of bucket list of adrenaline packed adventures that I've wanted to tick off in my life-time. 

I've pondered over why I'm such a drifter/daydreamer with a lack of ambition or wanderlust and the only possible explanation I can come up with is that if you're like me: shy, quiet, introverted, Aspie and anxious then you spend a lot of time just wishing to be 'normal' in inverted commas (because who decides what normal is) and mediocre. This probably doesn't make one little bit of sense to anyone but me, but when the simplest of things like talking or making eye-contact are a huge challenge, you pretty much take yourself out of the running for things like high-powered careers or sole travelling. 

Anyway, as far as I'm concerned people who like amusement park rides or bungee-jumping are the crazy ones. Good luck with that. I'm a two feet firmly on the ground kind of girl. 

I've never understood the attraction to smoking. I find the smell alone to be repulsive and skin-crawling. Again - this must be an ASD sensory thing. Therefore, I've never had any curiosity to try it, not even once. I can't really tolerate alcohol well. Any more than two drinks maximum and my head will be spinning. And I really detest that out of control, queasy, hungover feeling, so I've never been tempted to try any drugs. Not that I've ever been offered any. It's weirdly ironic to think I've grown up in good old Mt. Druitt and am utterly clueless about drugs. Food is my drug. 

As Dolly Parton said: I'll take a sandwich and a shake over a jug and a joint any day. You'll have to imagine the Dolly twang. 

When it comes to swimming and any other water related activities, I guess I have a water phobia. I dislike putting my head under water. Anyway, my 77 year old father still doesn't know how to swim, so I'm prepared to carry on that tradition. And I'll never need that bikini. I'm naturally fair-skinned, so it doesn't make sense to wear one, anyway. Instead I need 20 litres of 50 plus sunscreen and head to toe clothing and I'll still get burnt.  HMPH. 

As far as I know I've never broken anyone's heart. In reality, there could be dozens of men (and women who wish I'd turn) weeping and devastated that I'm not available. Yeah, RIGHT. Snorts. 

And yes, I'm too much of a goody goody Pollyanna type to be a bitch. It would be handy to be able to think of cutting remarks in reply to certain people. Sometimes I manage it, but only at 4am after the event. Sigh. 

Image credit:
I AM sick of bullshit! Why can't I be a bitch??!!

Speaking of 'I have never...' I have never quite known how to bring my rambling posts to a seamless conclusion, so why start now? 

The end. 

Yes, that was abrupt. 


How would you finish the phrase 'I have never...'?

Linking up for I Must Confess, Open Slather and 
Mummy Mondays



  1. That was quite a list haha! There's a few things I've never done, including jumping out of a plan, sailing a boat on my own and going to the beach on my own!

    1. I've never been to the beach on my own either come to think of it!

  2. Hahaha... I love your endings! That is quite a long list you have! And you have some wonderful achievements as well!!
    I can't help but think 'I have never been married or have kids' but then I think of all the things I have done and I smile!!

    1. You certainly should be smiling, Zita. You've done so much travelling that I'll probably never get to do. Thanks love xo

  3. We are similar in a lot of ways Ness. I've never broken someone's heart, smoked, worn a bikini, been a bitch, got a tattoo or been naked in any way shape or form in public. And I've never wanted to do any of those things anyway so I don't feel like I'm missing out. I'd like to think I've done better and more interesting things but I just can't think of anything to prove that right now!!!

    1. Yeah I'm struggling to think of any interesting things I've done. Oh well, sometimes boring is good!

  4. I don't get the smoking either. I hate it if someone is anywhere near me - sensitive sinuses.

    1. Yes, I used to get sore throats every time I was in a smoky environment when I was younger.

  5. I understand what you mean about working hard on just getting out there, that you feel that is quite enough adventure. I used to smoke, and even though I have no desire to start up again regularly, every time I have too many drinks I crave a smoke. It's strange!

    1. The cravings must be hard. Good on you for quitting! xo

  6. Oh god, I've done a lot of the things on that list, most of the bad ones lol :/ Lots of things I haven't done too, we are all unique in the things we haven't done. At least bringing a smile to someones face with your humour, isn't on your list. You do it well x

  7. Oooh you're bad girl at heart. Who knew? Thanks Alicia xo

  8. I haven't bungee jumped.I guess I have adulted as my children are alive and the house hasn't beem repossessed. in that case I haven't bungee jumped but have done all the others! Mostly overrated but I did like skydiving and skinny dipping. you are tops, Ness. Please keep blogging and do remember to share it!

  9. Oh a lot of your list could have been written by me! PS Charlene was apparently talking about masturbation! x