Monday, 28 September 2015

How To Rock A Road Trip

Hello dear people! Welcome to another marvellous Monday! Or perhaps I should say mind-blowing Monday. You see, I have some astonishing information and wisdom to impart.

Did you know that it's exactly one year since the 28th of September 2014???!!! Or am I the only one who spotted that? I am known for my genius like abilities after all.


Furthermore, it's approximately one year since I brought to you some ground breaking life hacks in this post. Well, technically one year and six days, but details!

No doubt this advice has been utterly life-changing for you. Therefore I feel it is only fair to share with you some more of my sage advice and insights.

In no particular order here are some random life hacks/thoughts and advice- Ness style pertaining to road trips. I've just come back from one so I'm an expert! 


Be sure to read until the end for my FREE BONUS TIP!!!! This is an exclusive offer and will expire in approximately eleven billionty days!! Or actually never, but details. Besides, my blog is always free because as outrageous as it seems no one will actually pay me to write drivel on the internet. I know, right? So rude!

Anyway, here is the moment you've been waiting for.

Road Trip Life Hacks - Ness Style


  • Packing is stupid. You will always forget stuff and/or over pack. The only thing to do is to take a fuck it attitude and decide that there will probably be shops wherever you are headed, so you can buy whatever you forget. Unless you holiday in some remote area of the world, in which case you're probably crazy anyway so I can't help you. Oh yeah, and make lists in the first place. List do help. Sort of. Unless you have the uncanny ability to lose lists and panic and agonise over what should go on it and... Yeah,whatever. Stick with the shops thing.  

  • You will not actually explode and die if you are ever, for instance, in a motel in Wagga Wagga with dodgy Wi-Fi and consequently cannot get internet access. This will be a good thing. It will force you to go outside into the sunshine and socialise with people and read books. Actual books. Remember those? Speaking of books, you simply must go on a book shopping spree! At Vinnies (or similar op shop). They have ones the size of football fields in these country towns and everything is so cheap and nasty you can buy enough to fill a truck. In fact, you may need an actual truck to transport it all home, but like I say - DETAILS! 


  • While on holidays you must avoid whatever makes you fat. See above. You will eat all the food. ALL. THE. FOOD. And drink all the scotch/wine/gin/vodka/whatever you fancy. This is why elastic waisted clothes were invented. No amount of walking will eradicate this damage. By all means walk, just don't expect any reward for it other than fresh air and/or sunshine.

  • Sleeping in the car during a long road trip isn't very refreshing. You just wake up all dazed and confused and in the twilight zone with a dodgy neck into the bargain. But do it anyway. It's better than being the driver. Ahem.

  • Children will never get sick of eating Maccas. Meanwhile you will feel nauseous at the sight or mere thought of those golden arches. Children will delight in these holidays as an opportunity to thrive on a steady junk food diet. I suppose you can't blame them. After all there is not much else to keep them entertained. See above point re dodgy WiFi. There is nothing you can do about this either. Just go with it and enjoy not cooking for a while.

  • If you're like me and that glamorous modelling career you dreamt of didn't exactly pan out, there's probably a reason for that. Don't bother packing make-up and hair straighteners and co-ordinated outfits. Just go for comfort and practicality. And warmth. Especially if you're in Wagga Wagga. Jumpers and coats are your friend. Those crazy people walking around in shorts and t-shirts are exactly that. Batshit crazy.

If this miracle never occurs at home, it certainly won't occur
on holidays. Give up.

Congratulations! You're now infinitely wiser with my help. You're welcome. And now, just because I'm so generous here is my promised free bonus tip:


  • When you arrive home you will inevitably have shit tonnes of unpacking and washing to do and have to get back into domesticity pronto. So my advise is:  Listen to podcasts or music while you pretend you're doing housework/washing to make it less tedious. I'm positive you would never have thought of this avant garde and mysterious tip without me. Shut up. Done.


Stay tuned until this time next year for more of my wisdom and life hacks. I'm heading into my 45th year and becoming more and more wise each day. Or is that wide? Oh well. Whatever. See you on the road!

Linking up with Kirsty, Alicia and Eva.


Have you been on any road trips lately?

Do you have any road trip life hacks?  
Reactions:

34 comments:

  1. I remember those road trips well! Great tips!♥

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  2. When I get home from a trip, I don't bother working out what is and isn't clean. Just throw the entire damn suitcase contents in the washing machine. Heaps of time saved!

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  3. Love it. You should do a series on everyday tips for avoiding housework and dealing with everyday life. And I would totally pay you if I actually had some money of my own...

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    1. Great series idea! I'm just waiting for you to become a billionaire so I can take you up on that. Get to it. xo

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  4. haha.... Love your tips! Funny because (from what I can gather, not speaking from personal experience) they're true!!

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  5. I love road trips

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  6. This is exactly how I think when I pack...you can always buy it if you forget it! And totally agree on dressing for comfort! Even if it's not for a road trip, that's my motto!

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  7. Haha these are brilliant road trip tips!

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  8. Yes kids never get sick of maccas and stretchy pants are essential on holidays not tight jeans , they only make you feel guilty

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  9. Haha totes agree with all of these EXCEPT the one about avoiding junk/fat food. Because, der, holidays ... plus it take the "blow it" approach you take to packing, one step further!

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    1. I didn't say avoid the junk food, I said avoid scales, mirrors and photos!!! This is the Cakie Queen you're talking to, Janet!!

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  11. Totally agree with giving up on packing and buying what you need when you get there!!
    #TeamMM

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    1. It could be expensive if you \forget absolutely everything, but DETAILS!

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  12. the first half hour of a road trip is so exciting, then the first roadside toilet stop happens and it's on for young and old. I am always SO GLAD to arrive! I love your hilarious take on holidays, which usually as mum aren't that much of a holiday really!

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    1. We seemed to avoid too many toilet stops. They can be a dubious sort of 'holiday' at times, can't they?

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  13. LOL, love this post! I'm 45 on Friday. I have no idea how the hell that happened. It seems like just yesterday I was in my 20s.

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    1. Happy birthday in advance! We'll both just pretend we're turning 25 again, agreed?

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  14. Haha! Love this! And I think I have felt like I was about to emplode without wifi but you are right books/mags or just going for a walk are great alternatives.

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    1. I found the enforced social media detox quite refreshing. But now it's back to internet addiction as usual lol

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  15. Funny, funny, funny. Sometimes it is so good to go internet free but so less disappointing when you know you couldn't have it anyway. Maccas for breakfast was always the first stop on our school holiday road trips, it was a bit of a treat.

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    1. Yeah we do the maccas brekkie thing too. Glad I made you giggle.

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  16. Haha!:) As a Canadian, I have many fond memories of looooooooong roadtrips!:) Great tips.;)

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    1. It would be fantastic to drive around Canada. Hope to get there one day.

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  17. I decided 5 years ago that i will NEVER EVER go on a road trip ever ever again! It is kinda hard to drive to fiji!
    That being said should I ever have to road trip i will be referring to this very clever post!!
    Loved it ness!

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    1. It gets easier when the kids are a bit older. Just make sure you go somewhere with good wifi. Thanks Ann!

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