Monday, 2 March 2015

Secrets Of The Heart

You might notice that the title of today's post sounds suitably melodramatic, just like the title of a Danielle Steele novel.  Once again it is time to reveal some more of my deep, dark secrets.  By now, my regular readers will be aware that I am an extremely brooding and mysterious individual.

Complex, multi-layered, intriguing and something of an enigma. Like many quiet people, hidden depths lurk beneath my tranquil exterior.

Therefore, my revelation is bound to come as a severe shock. Make sure you are sitting down.

I’m meant to reveal something I’ve never revealed to anyone before. There is a slight issue with this. You see, the thing is… And here comes my dramatic bombshell…

Imagine some ominous and dramatic music....

I’m actually rather boring.

I know! Shocking, right?!!

What you see is pretty much what you get with me. A quiet, boring, cake-eating Carpenters fanatic, who happens to have a husband and a few sprogs. That's it. But there must something I could reveal.
I suppose I could reveal that I sometimes read on the toilet. Well, let me clarify this. I sometimes take a book with me into the toilet just in case. I never actually sit there inhaling my own stench while I merrily read away. That would just be WRONG. Just in case of what, I’m not entirely sure. But let’s face it, you’re probably reading this on your phone while you’re on the can, so don’t judge me!

Admit it. You take your phone into the toilet! At least I’ve never done THAT. So ner.

I could reveal what a hideous slob and failure of a domestic goddess I am, replete with photos of my slovenly abode. But I’ll spare you.
I could reveal that I sometimes fantasise about telling people to fuck off despite my outward placid exterior. But I won’t reveal who those people are. I’ve never actually done it. Yet.

I could reveal that I scratch and pick my ears. But that's just gross and you don't need to know that. Oops.

I could reveal that every time I am making progress with Weight Witches and have a good loss, this seems to be my cue to self sabotage and stray off track. But it's probably what I deserve for posting smug updates on Facebook. No more smug updates from me. You're welcome!

I could reveal that I am STILL on green P-plates. I didn't get my license until I was well into my 30's, and I've just been too lazy  and haven't bothered going through the final testing to get off my P-plates.

I could reveal that previous to getting my license I walked everywhere or caught public transport. Now that I drive I've become one of those wankers who can't bear the thought of stepping onto a train or bus. *Shudders*. Additionally, I seem to have forgotten an important point that my Weight Witches leader pointed out: we all have one of the least expensive pieces of exercise equipment; a front door. Open it and walk out!

Interestingly, this ability to drive coincided with becoming somewhat pudgy. OK, that's not very interesting information, or very surprising. But I shared it anyway. What's the point of having a blog if you can't over share!

I could reveal my little shopping expedition the other week, when I lost my parking ticket. Frantic searching and re-tracing my steps through the shopping centre ensued as a replacement ticket would cost $35. When I returned sheepishly to the ticket station empty handed, the person on duty gave me a replacement ticket for free. Kindness isn't totally extinct, after all.

OH! This is a good one: I could reveal that I failed HSC English. Spectacularly.  I'm sure this is totally shocking. I mean, this blog would certainly never give any indication of that. Shut up.

I could reveal that I have this weird stimming habit of rocking, but I may  have already revealed this before. Can't remember. Fortunately, I never do this in public or my children might pretend not to know me.  Come to think of it, they already do. They want me to bugger off as soon as we arrive at the school gates. Weird. I'm not embarrassing. Am I?

On that note, I better stop embarrassing myself and end it here.

Linking up for I Must Confess.

What hidden secrets can you reveal?



  1. I just ate a cake to reward myself for a super sh*t day....tell the WWitches to back off!

  2. Too funny. I've been oversharing via the blog for just over 2 years now. I don't think there is much more of me too share.

  3. What a lot of little secrets... and I think you are not alone with the dieting one. Just when the scales show a lower number, means it is time to eat...

  4. You rock because you show us that we are all the same - all imperfect, all people who pick at things (my scalp) and boo about WW gain, GRRR. Love you long time woman - don't change. x

  5. Haha you make me laugh, you are not boring at all!

  6. OH Ness, you crack me up! Great little revelations!! And yes I will admit to taking my phone to the toilet, only to put it on the floor while I take care of things and then go out to wash my hands and then forget where my phone is as I wander around the house scratching my head!!

  7. You are totally not boring Ness. I take my phone into the toilet because often its the only place I can get some peace and quiet from both the kids and the dogs! I hope you don't think I'm gross now....

  8. Now that was a great introduction to you, Ness. You don't seem boring at all, not one little bit. x