Today I'm confessing to my top five favourite celeb hunks. These are the dudes I'd love to have a 'free pass' for from Micky Blue Eyes if the opportunity ever, erm... arose.
Highly likely, since I'm always jet-setting off to the Oscars and hanging around the Glitterati. Glitteratai? Whatever. As long as it's not actual glitter. That stuff is EVIL.
It's hard to narrow it down to five. But I'll try. I'm thinking: Hugh Jackman, Colin Firth, Bradley Cooper, Ryan Reynolds and that Irish dude from Bridesmaids. Okay, he's not even that good looking but it's the accent. Shut up.
The truth is, even if the all the above gentleman were agreeable to this arrangement, (and let's face it, why wouldn't they be? I certainly do ooze sex appeal and all that), Micky Blue Eyes certainly would NOT give me a free pass for ANYBODY. How rude. You'd think I married him or something and made some sort of promise to be faithful, forsaking all others. Oh.
The man is frightfully jealous. Well, you can't blame him. I did mention my undeniable sex appeal. This, coupled with my extremely flirtatious nature, would be a cause for concern. Snorts.
Seriously though, there would be no free passes for me. And I would never give him one either. Sorry dude, you'll have turn Jen Hawkins down. The poor lass will just have to settle for the Adonis she married. Poor old Jen.
If we ever wanted to indulge in our secret passions and crushes we'd have to resort to a good old-fashioned affair. There is only one problem with this option. Actually a few problems.
My Top Five Reasons I Could Never Have An Affair
5. I would have to become an expert liar. While I am quite adept at
4. I would be really bad at sexting. I'd need lessons from Warnie. Hmmm, then again, Warnie wasn't that great at it either, was he? I'd have no idea how to send my lover photos of my
3. I would actually have to shave my legs once in while. This would certainly make Micky Blue Eyes suspicious. Very suspicious indeed. Not to mention other areas that would require deforestation. I meant my 'moutache' and pits! Nobody wants to know about any other bits.
Which brings me to my next point...
2. Nobody has propositioned me! Not once! EVER!
You'd think that in the space of almost twenty years somebody would have tried to get their leg over. But no. Unless you count that creepy old dude with trousers up to his arm pits who rubbed himself against me in a crowded elevator at the shops once. Nothing.
Clearly it's my devastating sex appeal that is intimidating. I'm just too much woman for all these men. Way too much.
Okay, I suppose I do need to lose weight. Sniff.
And the number one reason I could never have an affair....
Drum roll please! (You'll have to imagine it...)
1. I. CAN'T. BE. BOTHERED.
Seriously, who has the time or inclination for all that sneaking around and sexting? It all seems like a bit too much effort to me.
I'm sure there are certain websites with names like sleazebagsanddesperadosdotcom where I could hook up with some
So there you have it. All the reasons I wouldn't have an affair.
Oh, those reasons and the fact that I'm truly, madly and deeply in love with Micky Blue Eyes and would never look sideways at another man....
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh my! What were we talking about again? I got distracted doing my neck exercises. Okay, I'm off to do some
Linking up for I Must Confess ,Open Slather and Mummy Mondays.
Who are your 'top five'?
Could you ever have an affair?