Monday, 8 September 2014

Top Five

I've decided to regurgitate this oldie but goodie post simply because I can't be bothered writing a new one it was so brilliant it deserves a second viewing. You're welcome.

Today I'm confessing to my top five favourite celeb hunks. These are the dudes I'd love to have a 'free pass' for from Micky Blue Eyes if the opportunity ever, erm... arose.

Highly likely, since I'm always jet-setting off to the Oscars and hanging around the Glitterati. Glitteratai? Whatever. As long as it's not actual glitter. That stuff is EVIL.

It's hard to narrow it down to five. But I'll try. I'm thinking: Hugh Jackman, Colin Firth, Bradley Cooper, Ryan Reynolds and that Irish dude from Bridesmaids. Okay, he's not even that good looking but it's the accent. Shut up. 

The truth is, even if the all the above gentleman were agreeable to this arrangement, (and let's face it, why wouldn't they be? I certainly do ooze sex appeal and all that), Micky Blue Eyes certainly would NOT give me a free pass for ANYBODY.  How rude. You'd think I married him or something and made some sort of promise to be faithful, forsaking all others. Oh.

DETAILS!

The man is frightfully jealous. Well, you can't blame him. I did mention my undeniable sex appeal. This, coupled with my extremely flirtatious nature, would be a cause for concern. Snorts.

Seriously though, there would be no free passes for me. And I would never give him one either. Sorry dude, you'll have turn Jen Hawkins down. The poor lass will just have to settle for the Adonis she married. Poor old Jen.

If we ever wanted to indulge in our secret passions and crushes we'd have to resort to a good old-fashioned affair. There is only one problem with this option. Actually a few problems.


My Top Five Reasons I Could Never Have An Affair

5. I would have to become an expert liar. While I am quite adept at making up crap writing witty words for this blog, I am less able to glibly lie, especially directly to some body's face. Plus, my memory is so shocking I'd have trouble recalling my own web of lies. This would clearly make me the worst adulterer EVER.


4. I would be really bad at sexting. I'd need lessons from Warnie. Hmmm, then again, Warnie wasn't that great at it either, was he? I'd have no idea how to send my lover photos of my national geographics boobs. Worse still, I have no idea how to delete texts. I've only recently come into the 21st century and obtained an android phone. Shut up. 


3. I would actually have to shave my legs once in while. This would certainly make Micky Blue Eyes suspicious. Very suspicious indeed. Not to mention other areas that would require deforestation. I meant my 'moutache' and pits! Nobody wants to know about any other bits. 

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!

Which brings me to my next point...



2. Nobody has propositioned me! Not once! EVER!

You'd think that in the space of almost twenty years somebody would have tried to get their leg over. But no. Unless you count that creepy old dude with trousers up to his arm pits who rubbed himself against me in a crowded elevator at the shops once. Nothing. 

Clearly it's my devastating sex appeal that is intimidating. I'm just too much woman for all these men. Way too much.

Okay, I suppose I do need to lose weight. Sniff. 

And the number one reason I could never have an affair....

Drum roll please! (You'll have to imagine it...)



1. I. CAN'T. BE. BOTHERED. 

Seriously, who has the time or inclination for all that sneaking around and sexting? It all seems like a bit too much effort to me. 

I'm sure there are certain websites with names like sleazebagsanddesperadosdotcom where I could hook up with some
creepy old dude with trousers up to his arm pits hot dude if I was that way inclined, but for some reason that I simply can't fathom, this just doesn't appeal to me. 


So there you have it. All the reasons I wouldn't have an affair.

Oh, those reasons and the fact that I'm truly, madly and deeply in love with Micky Blue Eyes and would never look sideways at another man....




Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh my! What were we talking about again? I got distracted doing my neck exercises. Okay, I'm off to do some house work more neck exercises. Bye! 

Linking up for I Must Confess ,Open Slather  and Mummy Mondays.

Who are your 'top five'?

Could you ever have an affair?

Reactions:

30 comments:

  1. Of these 5 I definitely approve. Kx

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  2. LOL to looking sideways. I must confess, I couldn't be bothered either besides I'm rather happy with what I've got.

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    1. Yep! Same here. Plus, no offers anyway. HMPH. x

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  3. I'm way too tired to even keep up with the husbeast let alone outsource! And like you, my brain is waaay too addled and sleep deprived to keep a straight lie...

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    1. I'd like to have an affair- but with my husband! If only we could sneek away from the kids... xo

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  4. Oh god yes, who the hell could be bothered... neck stretches will do me. ;-)

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    1. Yes, neck stretches every day are VERY important. Ahem. x

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  5. Irish dude from Bridesmaid (though I like him more as nerdy guy in IT crowd)...but not a big beard fan...cooper is a little too perfect for me - like someone drew him in a book and he somehow came to life (and he's apparently a total sweet pea too)

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    1. I haven't actually seen the IT Crowd. I'll have to check it out! Let's face it, they're all totally out of my league. But a girl can dream! x

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  6. I can't say I'm fussed on the Irish guy from Bridesmaids/IT Crowd. He's funny but the buck stops there. I like a good Jon Hamm myself. But you're right. Who could be bothered shaving their legs. I was half way through a neck stretch when I read your trick you wicked girl!

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    1. Okay, I'll have Chris and you can have Jon. Deal. *Grins* xo

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  7. Well I for one will fight you for Chris O'Dowd.

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  8. LOL I totally just did that neck stretch - LMAO at the comment about trousers up to armpits! And yes to Bradley, Hugh and I love that Irish dude from PS I love you - was he Irish? Thanks for linking lovely xx

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    1. WHY do old dudes have arm-pit high trousers? I'm divorcing Micky Blue Eyes if he ever does that! Oh yeah, that dude is Gerard Butler, and yes, he's Irish. I forgot about him! He's HAWT! xo

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  9. Ha ha classic pic. My man is a bit on the old jealous side, at some stage early in our marriage he "disposed" of any old photos of me and any exes, so there's no way I'd get a free pass either. But that's okay coz I wouldn't give him one either!

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    1. Yes, free pass zone here too! Chuckling at your hubby destroying the photos. Doesn't he know you can still stalk them on Facey?! xo

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  10. Ryan was on my list as well - I do rather like him! And who doesn't like our Hugh? BTW I agree to all your reasons for not having an affair - honestly, who can be bothered???

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    1. We both have excellent taste! Maybe I'd be bothered for those fellows but I doubt they would! How RUDE! xo

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  11. Thanks so much for the neck exercises!! You truly never disappoint Ness.. Thanks again for the laughs!

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  12. YES! My celebrity pass is Colin Firth and Hugh Jackman from Bridget Jone's Diary. Reeeeow. I love Hugh as a bad boy.

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  13. IDIOT. I said Hugh Jackman instead of Hugh Grant but Wolverine is on my list too, so all good.

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  14. Bahahaha this is great... I couldn't be bothered too... And as for grooming.. Yep I'm
    Lazy too especially over winter . Stick with hubby I think

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  15. My top 5 would have to include: Hugh Jackman, Keanu Reeves & Johnny Depp. Can't think of any others at the moment but I'm sure there's more ;-)

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  16. I agree, so much effort and guilt...so not worth it! And besides, I simply cannot lie, I absolutely suck at lying. And the sex appeal thing, well that's well and truly gone...I feel very frumpy and well, like a boring old mum. As for my top 5 - Johnny Depp, Channing Tatum, Gerard Butler, Ryan Gosling and um...I can't think of a number 5!

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  17. Oh I am with you. I can't be bothered lol.
    My deforestation is never in sync, maybe a couple of days over Summer when the legs and pits are silky smooth at the same time!
    Glitter is evil! I may never get rid of it after I bought my daughter a Cinderella dress and did not realise the glitter factor until she had spread it all through the house.
    Thanks for the nexercise ;)

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  18. Loved this the first time around and love it still. My original comment still stands - really who could be bothered with all the rigmarole of having an affair????

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