Monday, 22 September 2014

Life Hacks: Ness Style

At the rather *ahem* mature age of 43 I have certainly learnt a few things. Chiefly, how to make all those mundane and never-ending daily tasks slightly less painful. 


So it's only fair that I should share with you my profound wisdom. 


So here goes: 



Five REVOLUTIONARY Life Hacks



1. Google it. Or, the more blunt version: JFGI! Which stands for: Just fucking Google it! 

I recently discovered the best way to clean a microwave by this unique and innovative method. Incidentally, this involves placing a jug with some water and vinegar into the microwave and putting it on for five minutes. The resulting steam will then efficiently loosen all the debris and you will be able to wipe it clean easily. Yep, I'm a GENIUS. 



2. Purchase all pairs of socks in identical colours. This way there will be less chance of them escaping via your washing machine to that parallel universe where all the odd socks and lost pens live. But there will still be an annoying odd one. There is ALWAYS an odd one. There is nothing you can do about this. Just make a sock puppet with it for your kids. Alternatively, you could always go completely feral hippie and just avoid wearing all socks and shoes altogether. Winning! 






3. Make a daily to-do list. On this list make sure you always include breakfast, lunch AND dinner. That way, there is a good chance that you'll tick at least three things off for the day. Add morning and afternoon tea as well for bonus points. Unless you are one of those bizarre people who consistently forget to eat, in which case I've got nothing for you. If you have to be reminded to eat there is no hope for you. 





4. Multi-task. For example, I have been known to cling wrap my hair (while waiting for a dodgy DIY home dye to work), soak my feet (for a dodgy DIY pedi) and simultaneously drink coffee while surfing the net and watching TV. Again, I reiterate: GENIUS!



5. Never iron sheets, table cloths, tea towels, undies, or, in fact, any clothes at all. After all, ain't nobody got time for THAT, as the now infamous saying goes. Plus, if you're classy like me you can just be the Queen Of Polyester (or any other cheap and nasty synthetic fabric). No ironing required! 



And, finally, my most important life hack: ignore all advice! 


Particularly mine....ahem. Unless it works for you. We can only do our best and whatever works for us. There is no right or wrong.

The only thing I INSIST that you do is to have a cup of tea and cakie! Pronto! Works for me! 

Winning! 

Linking up for I Must Confess and Laugh Link. 


What are your life hacks? 
Reactions:

24 comments:

  1. I must try that water and vinegar thing! I need to get masking tape off my daughter's bedroom window from the last cyclone a few years ago. Any advice Ness? I've looked at the Google machine and found nothing that works.

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    1. Just leave it there for the next cyclone. It will save time, right? Alternatively. you'll have to get a new window, or a whole new house. Problem solved. Who knew I was so good at this advice thing? Ahem... xo

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  2. Google is the source of all my wisdom! I know a very smart person who uses time in the hairdresser's chair to watch "How-To" videos on You Tube. No need to engage in inane chatter and learning a new skill. Win Win!

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    1. That IS genius. I hate the chit-chat at the hairdressers! xo

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  3. I had to iron yesterday and it nearly killed me. One shirt. In the past (when I could afford it) I've BOUGHT new clothes rather than iron. I've got 2-3 shirts which need ironing (the others I can wear crumpled and I buy pants that don't need ironing) and now that winter's finished I had to pull out a summer shirt and iron the bloody thing. I left the iron out in the hope that one day soon I'm sufficiently motivated to do another one!

    PS. Love google!

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    1. Yes, the polyester theory only works in cooler months, but summer requires cotton which has to be ironed, dammit. I'd consider buying new clothes too! xo

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  4. Love the pic of the future with No 2. Ha ha The sock monster will never be extinct!

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  5. I love it! Sadly I never need to be reminded to eat either - seriously, who are these people who do???

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    1. I know?!! When I'm not eating, I'm just waiting for the next time I can. Ahem. xo

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  6. YES! YES! YES! I "discovered" the sock thing years ago and I felt like Isaac Newtown once he finally understood the mechanics of gravity. LIGHTBULB. I refuse to buy un-identical socks now. Changed my life. BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!

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    1. That moment you have a sock epiphany! Life changing! Someone needs to make one of those inspirational memes for this! Or not.... xo

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  7. YES!!! The sock one is pure genius. We have a pile of odd socks with their pairs missing in action.

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  8. I'm a huge advocate of Number 5 myself. As for cakie - why thank you, I will! I have one last piece of that divine butterscotch layer cake left (I posted a pic on Instagram today) - heavenly!!! x

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    1. Sounds divine! I'm totally jealous now! HMPH. xo

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  9. I'm one of those people who can get to the end of the day and realise I haven't eaten anything. In my defense it's usually because I am too lazy to make myself anything to eat.

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    1. I can be a bit lazy when it comes to making or cooking food, too. But my stomach still reminds to have SOMETHING, even if it's the quickest and easiest thing I have. I guess I'll basically eat anything that isn't nailed down. Classy. xo

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  10. Oh I am the ultimate Google pro - I Google everything, including tips for more successful Googling!

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    1. LOL thank goodness for Google! xo

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  11. Throw out the iron - problem solved. For all others - try outsourcing. Is there an out source source for Google. I fear my brilliant theory is already developing significant flaws.

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    1. LOL never mind - I love the throwing out the iron part!

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  12. I do the sock idea for my kids!! And can I add morning afternoon tea and supper on my to-do list and coffee and getting cranky with my kids I'll be such an overachiever! Thanks for linking and sorry for late reply I'm in NZ x

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  13. Yes, google it, how hard?! It always bugs me people ask me something I obviously don't know and I tell them numerous times ask google, yet they still ask me. Just f**** google it!! Ok, I never said it to their face, I only have the guts to say it in my head.
    As for ironing, I found a wonderful product at Coles, just spray and smooth out with your hands. Not as perfect as ironing but good enough for lazy housewife like me.

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