Monday, 1 September 2014

Cakie Queen

Well, today's confession is perfect for me. The self-confessed Queen Of Cakies. Actually it's not much of a confession. It's old news. Anybody who has ever read this space knows I'm the Cakie Queen.

I love cake but it doesn't seem to like me. It appears to want to make me fat. How frightfully RUDE. The same phenomenon applies to my other weakness: chocolate. It really is quite unfair that this love affair is unrequited. Sniff. 

It has also become a clandestine affair. Forbidden fruit and all that. Over a year ago the not very surprising shocking news came that my cholesterol levels were a concern. Additionally, my blood sugar was somewhat borderline. This would have indicated that I should have dutifully started the I Quit Sugar programme, pronto.

Instead, I embarked on the I Don't Really Want To Quit Sugar So  I'll Pretend That Didn't Happen Programme. This involves inserting ones head in ones posterior. Then compromising your health by continuing in much the same vein, but with an extra dollop of guilt. As if the guilt I already had wasn't quite enough, thanks very much. Yes, I'm very mature.

After all, the days of being able to take the 'Mars a day' advertising slogan quite literally(which I did as a teen), were well and truly behind me decades ago.

Feeling foolish, and thinking I needed a massive kick up my afore- mentioned rather large posterior, I signed up for the Get Healthy Programme. You know the one. They advertise it on the telly in between all the ads for Maccas and Magnums. You have a telephone coach call every week to guide you on a path to healthy eating.

Apparently, I seem to have confused it with the Get Unhealthy Programme. I have made some improvements. I'm cooking a lot more healthy meals for the family. But my sugar addiction remains intact. Sigh.

I appear to be one of those folk whose only arsenal against avoiding temptation (especially of the cake shaped variety) is simply never having the temptation in front of me. Ever.

Easy peasy.

All I need to do is avoid all shops and restaurants and social occasions FOREVER. Meanwhile, I can live on the rations that Micky Blue Eyes pokes through the bars of the cage I'll have to stay in. I'll be so feral without my sugar fix I won't be fit for any human contact. Done.

The other day I had a conversation with my Mum that went something like this:

"Have you been back for your blood test again?"

"Um, no..." I replied.

"You better make sure you do it!" she admonished me. It was just like I the time when I was three years old and scribbled all over the living room walls. I was a very naughty girl.

"Okay." I agreed meekly, already feeling faint. I hate the thought of blood, let alone the sight of it.

The same day, I arrived home to find a reminder from my GP complete with a pathology slip. I think the universe is trying to tell me something. Well, my Mum and my GP are, anyway.

This shit is getting real. I really am a middle aged woman.  Who knew? It may actually be well past the time to relinquish my crown and officially step down as the Cakie Queen. Sigh. Double Sigh. Triple Sigh. Hysterical sobbing even.

I know. I'm frightfully immature. I can't accept eating cakies and sugar in moderation. Meanwhile, there are children dealing with the reality of living with Diabetes every day. I know I'm being ridonkulous. I also know ridonkulous is not word. But I DON'T CARE. So ner! 

Anyway, I'm going to go and have my blood test this week and accept the reality of whatever I'm told.

On the plus side, I bought a set of scales the other day. I tested the display model and it told me I've lost about 1.5 kilos!! Okay, that's not much. But I'll take anything, considering the amount of cake I shovel in. Ahem.

And I promise I won't bore you with anymore posts about my weight or failed attempts to give up my beloved cakies. Deal.

Linking up for 
I Must Confess.

What is your favourite sweet treat? 

Have you ever been successful in giving it up?

Is the I Quit Sugar programme really as awful as it sounds? 



  1. I hate having blood tests done too. My veins seem to take it as a cue to play hide and seek. Last time it took them 3 hours to get the blood out. I was supposed to go back last month but I really don't want to.

  2. I must confess I set that prompt for you Ness! The whole blood test thing is not ideal but I'm glad you are going back. Fingers crossed the results are not as bad as you fear x

  3. It really does suck doesn't it? Sometimes cholesterol goes up for random reasons so hopefully that's all it is. I'm just like you. I avoid blood tests at all costs. It's not chol and sugar I have to worry about though. It's liver failure from too much wine :) But also like Tegan above they can never find a vein or even when they do they can't get any blood out of me. Good luck x

  4. Oh I love fresh baked cakes as well. It was okay when I was out west and there was a tribe to eat them but now I have to just not cook them, taking away another thing I love. It was great out there cause I could cook a couple of cakes, eat one piece, one time (the day I made it) and then choof it off to one of the other houses for them to eat. It worked well especially as I banished chocolate from my quarters. Now everything is too easy to get. I try to give it up but not hard enough and eat it anyway and wonder why the number on those dreaded scales doesn't go down. I also hate blood tests but have rarely had them thank goodness. Love your post, honest and funny.

  5. I Quit Sugar at the start of this year. I did it myself, not a part of the program. I found it fabulous. I like that I am now sugar free. I was ready for it though, and I believe that this is the key. You need to be ready and willing and probably motivated for something to work. My next dietary step is to stop eating grains, but I am not quiet there yet.