Friday, 25 July 2014

Online Lessons

The internet has taught me a good many things. In no particular order they are: 
  • There is an inordinate number of dickheads out there.
  • Luckily, there are just as many awesome people out there to balance it out.
  • I seem to be fortunate or clever enough to avoid the dickheads (so far) and only encounter a lot of awesome.
  • I am not alone. There are lots of other Aspergian people out there, like me.
  • I am not the only weird person who loves Karen Carpenter/Carpenters.
  • I am not the only introvert. Introverts LOVE the internet.
  • The internet has allowed me to connect with like-minded people and taught me that I can communicate with others, even if it's not verbally.
  • The internet has also taught me that are an extraordinary amount of people who like cats. Even if they're grumpy. Especially if they're grumpy. The cats, that is. Not the people who like them. Well, they might be, I suppose.
  • The internet has proved that Andy Warhol's infamous declaration that everyone will be famous for 15 minutes was probably not far off the mark.
  • I've also discovered that everyone has their battles. Even the people who seem have their shit together are probably just better at faking it.
  • The only thing that inspirational memes inspire in me is the desire to gag or punch someone.
  • It seems that with all this technology, as Jerry Seinfeld put it, we all have absolutely nothing to say to one another and we must say it RIGHT AWAY. Except it was funnier when he said it.
  • I have an astonishing capacity for procrastination and time- wasting.
  • That I don't really like controversial topics or opinions, even online. I'm that fence-sitting person. Shut up. I like to think of it as being tactful and diplomatic. What I really am is a chicken shit.
  • I feel that I take introversion to a whole new level. I'm the quiet person in the corner in real life situations and the quiet blogger in the corner of the blogosphere. I'm happy in my own little world.
  • Conversely, on occasion I do like to embarrass myself on the internet with photos of bad hair and frock choices. I like to mix things up a bit.
  • That I'm a tiny drop in the ocean, or speck of sand on the shore in the bigger picture of life, the universe and everything.
  • That I can trot out clich├ęs and pass them off as blog fodder. See above point.
  • That I should probably get out more.
  • But the internet is addictive. Very, very addictive.
  • I can be resourceful. After all, it was very resourceful of me to start this blog so I can bore you shitless entertain you with my brilliance.
  • People like to take photos of their food and post them on Facebook for some reason. It has come to my attention that I did this for the first time the other day. I will totally understand if anyone unfriends me now.
  • That 'unfriend' is now a word. A verb even. I think. 
  • That I need to go back to Primary School and re-learn basic English and Grammar. I'm sure I'd still look cute in a uniform and pig tails.
  • People can become totally engrossed with fictional characters in a soap opera and over react when they die. 
  • Apparently everyone wants to dress like Nina Proudman from Offspring. Meanwhile I dress like Bogan Shazza from Boganville.
  • There are an alarming amount of people who actually give a flying fuck about footy, soccer and anything with balls in it.
  • There is something called Pimperest Pinterest. Don't ask me what this is. I have an account and still have no idea. 
  • There is something called Twatter Twitter. I've been there and done that and I'm (mostly) over it. I just check in now and again to confirm this. Yep, I'm over it. 
  • There is something called Instagram. I don't have an account and probably  never will. I'm a crap photographer. Plus, I avoid cameras but don't avoid cake. These two things may be related. Ahem. 
  • I am shallow. I have nothing particularly enlightening or ground breaking to add to this list.
  • I am easily distracted. I blame the internet. Which isn't fair, I've always been easily distracted. 
  • Imaginary (online) friends are the bestest (look, I know it's not a word. I've just slipped it on purpose to annoy the Grammar Nazi's out there. So ner).  You can Facebook chat while still in your pyjamas and there is no need to madly race around cleaning the house like you would if they were really popping in.  
  • People will keep on sending me gaming invites to Candy Crush, Farmville, Angry Birds and a gazillion other games despite me never once responding. Ever. And I never will. Supposedly you can block them, but I tried and nearly lost the will to live. I'll just keep on ignoring them. 
  • I'm not smugly superior to all the gamers out there. It's just that I've already got time wasting and procrastination down to a fine art and don't need any further assistance, thanks very much. 
  • On that note, I really should bring this bullet list limping to it's lame end because I'm just procrastinating. The end. 
Linking up with Ann at Help!! I'm Stuck! for Things I Know
 and sneaking in late forThe Lounge with Tegan at Musings Of The Misguided.

What has the internet taught you? 


  1. LOL - I love your posts and to say that I could relate totally to about 95% of this list is NOT an understatement. I still don't get Karen Carpenter/The Carpenters (I hope we can still be friends !!!)
    I have an account on Pinterest but still have no idea either !
    Same with the gaming invites - I've never responded but I still keep getting them - although I'm not on FB to know for absolute sure !
    Just realised I probably shouldn't go through your points one by one agreeing with them as it would make for a HUGE totally agreeable comment !!
    Have a great weekend -hope you don't have to be up too early for soccer in the morning !!!!
    Me xox

    1. Of course we can still be friends! I mean, not everyone can be groovy and have cutting edge taste in music, like me. Tee hee. Huge comments are welcome, even if you disagree. Thanks love. xo

    2. I've had heaps of trouble today with comments - so much so I have started to copy the comment once I have typed it because I got so tired of trying to remember what I said and going back and typing it up again !!!
      Bloody blogger - the internet is great except for when it isn't !!!

    3. LOL - Yes, I'm definitely not up on the cutting edge of music given my taste !!!

    4. I'm glad it's not just my blog having this commenting issue but I wish blogger would fix it. Mainly because I have no idea how. Never thought of doing copy and paste. Good thinking 99. Who says we're not cutting edge?!! xo

  2. I've just learnt who Nina Proudman was. I noticed a style blogger talking about her and I was going to google her, thinking it was some one sensational. No I did not know people wanted to look like her. Don't you just walk around in scrubs or a nurses uniform?
    If people wouldn't stare, I wouldn't mind dressing like a pirate - a cool lady one like Tortuga Anna or Marie Antoinette...but I guess that may not be practical in the car...I hear you on much of the internet. Except I didn't even bother getting accounts...,

    1. from your post...I mean, not prior to reading this. So the internet, as far as blogs are concerned, is educational...

    2. I'm sure you'll be able to sleep well tonight having learned that. You should do the pirate thing for school pick up. I dare you. Thanks for reading. xo

  3. Ha ha! Oh, so much I can relate to here. The Seinfeld quote is pretty accurate - although I'd only say that to people who 'get' that social media has pros and cons. I'll defend my Facebook habits to the end amongst the naysayers! Plus, as an introvert, I kind of like my imaginary friends too - and I don't even mind if they post photos of their breakfast.

    1. I don't really mind either, I'm just being a smart arse. Thanks for reading. xo

  4. I'm with you on about 50% of your list. I love your self deprecating humour. And you have a knack with words. You're funny. Especially if you write about nothing. FYI to all those writing about "what the Internet taught you" - you've got it all wrong. The Internet is the infrastructure that the World Wide Web runs on and I'm doubting "packets" and "robots" and "servers" taught you nothing. It is the Web that has enlightened you all. Ha. I started a Bachelor of Arts in Internet Communication and the first thing they taught us was the difference between the Internet and the World Wide Web and that's it. I've always wondered though, why is the degree called "Internet Communications" and not "WWW Communications" because it's not a tech degree, it's a farking Arts degree. Oh, semantics! It's too early... I'm babbling. Love your work. V.

    1. "I'm doubting "packets" and "robots" and "servers" taught you nothing"
      .... taught you ANYTHING.
      Jesus, Vanessa Beattie, where's your grammar at 6am?

  5. I kept seeing posts about how you can "Look like Nina Proudman". I hadn't a clue who Nina Proudman was. I thought she must have been a famous catwalk model or something... not a fake character from a TV series. Wow that show is popular. It's interesting about what Andy Warhol said. It sort of has come to fruition.