Monday, 7 April 2014

Goodbye Bogan Blog

The time has come to retire my bogan hat. Or mullet. Or rats tail. Or something....

It has become increasingly clear that I am, in fact, a pretend bogan. An impostor of sorts. I don't listen to heavy metal, drink VB or wear flannies. I don't mind a good Ugg boot, however. Maybe there is a little teensy bit of bogan in me, just like all of us. But not enough. It's been fun, but it's time to move on.

Before you start hysterically sobbing, as I'm sure you all are by now, let me assure you that I will be blogging again. Eventually. Maybe. One of these days. As soon as I can think of a new title.

Unfortunately I've discovered that I'm not very good at thinking of titles so I still haven't come up with anything.

I thought of combining Ness with Aspie and calling it Nesspie until a slightly more intelligent person than me pointed out that people will read that as Ness Pie. Which is kind of fitting in a way, as I like pie and cakies. Mmmmmnnn...pieeee.

Then I thought of re-naming the blog Ness Is More! Then the tag line: More Cake and Carpenters than you've ever read about before! But no. Just - no.

Ultimately I became so desperate that I started randomly dipping into the Thesaurus hoping some jaunty word or turn of phrase would serve as inspiration.

I closed my eyes and flipped the pages hopefully. Then I gazed at the page where my finger had landed. There it was. This word.


laughing stock



Completely sums up me and my blog up but still leaves me clueless as to a new title. I could go with Ness The Buffoon. Just for something completely different than calling myself a bogan.

Still hopeful, I Thesaurus dipped again. Shut up. Some people Bible dip, I Therausus dip. It's a thing, I tell you!

This time look where I landed:

Vb. be inactive; do nothing, rust, stagnate, take it easy, slack, skiv, shirk, loaf, idle, mooch about, twiddle one's thumbs, trifle, dabble, fribble, fiddle-faddle, fritter away the time, piddle, potter, putter.

Good lord. I NEVER do that. Nope. No way.

What on Earth is the Universe suggesting? That I retitle my blog Ness: The Lazy Buffoon?

Outrageous! I mean, Cake Eating Lazy Buffoon maybe. 

Okay, so maybe Thesaurus dipping isn't such a great tactic. I will just have to continue pondering on this extremely important issue like the wise philosopher I am. Deep, spiritual and soulful. I'm sure to come up with something very soon. Until then, parting is such sweet sorrow....

I'll say Goodbye bogan blog
No one ever cared if I should link or write
Time and time again the chance for comment love
Has passed me by
And all I know of Google Plus is 
How to live without it
I just can't seem to understand it...

So I've made my mind up I must blog as a bogan no more
And though it's not the easy way I guess I've always known
I'd say Goodbye Bogan Blog
There are no tomorrows for these posts of mine
Surely time will lose these bitter bogans and I'll find
That there is someone to believe in and to blog for
Something I could blog for

Oh all the years (only two actually) of pointless posts 

Have finally reached an end
Pinterest and Instagram will never be my friend
From this day Bogan blog's forgotten
Sorry to my one adoring FAAAAAAAN! (Sorry Mum!)

At this point you will have to imagine the fuzz guitar solo.

What blogs lie in the future is a mystery to us all
It's been fun as a bogan, I've really had a ball
There may come a time when I'll be back and going strong 
But for now this is (not really) my song (but I'm butchering it anyway)

And it's Goodbye Bogan Blog
I'll say Goodbye Bogan Blog.

Now imagine the dramatic choral and fuzz guitar fade out.

For those of you who have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about. This.

You sad, pathetic people who don't like The Carpenters. What? I'm the pathetic one? Look - we can't all be groovy. You're just jealous!

Right then, I'm off to Dictionary dip in search of a new title. Wish me luck. I really need it. Or perhaps - give me suggestions?? *bats lashes coquettishly*

Linking up with Kirsty from My Home Truths for I Must Confess and with Michaela at Five Frogs Blog for Laugh Link. Shut up. I'm hilarious! I laugh at my own ridonkulous jokes, anyway...


  1. Hahahahahaa! Good luck with the blog name. And thanks for linking up!

  2. I'm normally good with coming up with names but I've got nothing for you. Drop me an email and we can bounce a few ideas around. :)

    1. Thanks Rachael, appreciate it. Look for me in your inbox...

  3. I laugh at my own jokes too Ness but you ARE funny. Hmmmm a name for you...
    I suppose you've thought about the BlogNess Monster, or A Little Fi-Ness, or Good Gracious-Ness. Okay, I'll go back in my hole now :)

  4. Think of a name quickly ! We'll miss u! I like BlogNess monster too but I'm guessing that isn't marketing ideal....

    1. Thanks Lydia. BlogNess Monster couldn't be worse marketing than the bogan thing...

  5. I hope you come back to blogging soon-I am hoping you will find a name that suits you soon. We need more funny blogs around here!

    1. Thanks Lisa. I'll definitely be back!

  6. I'm sorry you are retiring your bogan blog but I really hope you find a new name soon so we can see you back. As for names, what about combining an N word with Ness - Nearly, Nefarious, Natural, Notorious, Nuclear - the sky's the limit!

    1. It's a little sad but I'll be back. Thanks for the suggestions and support! Thinking, thinking, thinking.....

  7. I have no suggestions but have loved the 'boganess' of your blog!!
    Good luck!

    1. The bogan thing was fun - for a while but it's time to move on. Thanks Zita. xo

  8. Nooo you can't leave *sobs*. I suck at coming up with names too but I hope that you don't leave blogging behind forever!

    1. You can't get rid of me that easily. I'll be back as soon as I think of something!

  9. Shitburgers I almost choked on my vodka, yes I did have one on a Monday, shut up, as you would say!!! You are LEAVING? Don't take too long to think of a name or else I'll be hounding you for some funnies. You rock, you make me laugh, I 'love' (without sounding just a wee bit desperate) you for you :) xxx

  10. Replies
    1. You definitely make me laugh too, Em. And I'll definitely be back!

  11. Changing the name is a huge job, I'm looking at changing mine too. I think I just have to bite the bullet and do it. Good luck with the name. Rachel x

    1. Yes, naming your blog is important - as I've discovered having gone about it the wrong way! Thanks for the good wishes.

  12. Oh no - I'm sorry you are retiring your blog - I hope you think of a new name and are back up and writing soon.
    Good luck with finding a new name - I'm hopeless at things like that (just look at my blog's name !!!).
    Have a great week !

    1. Thanks love. I'll think of something soon! I'll be back. xo

  13. As always Ness, you make me laugh. And I am now listening to the Carpenters at 6.31 in the morning, oh the power you have :) I recall a post you wrote a while back with - I think - movie titles slightly adapted to blog names, there were a few crackers in there as I recall, maybe that can inspire you?

  14. Now we've reached the end of an era. It has been nice reading your blog Ness.

    I look forward to the new name for your blog. You could call it "Ness, Bogan No More" or maybe something like a Sue Grafton novel, "N is for Ness". I like the screen name you used at the KC Forum, "Sir Bear of Sidney". Something extracted or derived from your love of the Carpenters would be great too. Only you can tell us what that is.

    Please don't deprive the world of your fine writing skills for too long. We all look forward to your glorious return!


  15. Have only just read your blog to discover you're leaving! (Or is it just leaving titles?)

    I really like "Ness is More" but then I have that weird English teacher obsession with puns!

    I think all Aussies have a touch of Bogan, it's our national trait. :)