Monday, 24 March 2014

Hospital Tales

Time for another round of tedious titillating tales from the bogan extraordinaire! This week we are telling our hospital tales.

I must admit I am extremely fortunate in that I have never been in hospital for any serious life threatening reason. Unless you count the time 15 years ago when I was admitted into hospital for suspected appendicitis which actually turned out to be the wrong diagnosis. In fact, what I had was ovarian hyer-stimulation or some such thing (I forget what the technical term is) - a nasty and potentially dangerous side effect from the fertility drugs I was taking at the time.

There is nothing quite like being wheeled into surgery looking and feeling like utter crap only to have your High School nemesis suddenly appear as one of the theatre staff beaming at you in the same utterly patronising way you remember from years gone by.

"You've lost all your hair!" she exclaimed as if I was bald instead of just having short hair. Luckily they knocked me out with the anaesthetic shortly after that and ended the pain of that reunion as well as the ovarian pain.

Other than that incident I've only been in hospital for day procedures to have wisdom teeth extracted and to investigate my fertility issues during my 20's. Can you believe I ever had fertility issues? Yeah, I can't either! I've also had a tubal ligation a few years ago so I don't have to think about contraception anymore. In spite of this, I STILL worry that I may fall pregnant. Everything about pregnancy has been completely bizarre for me so I worry that I would be that one in a billion bizzarro person who couldn't fall pregnant for love nor money while I was still young and in my 20's even with fertility drugs but might fall pregnant now in my 40's despite having had a tubal ligation. I'm not paranoid AT ALL.

My only other trips to hospital were when I had my babies. The worst of them was when I had a still-birth experience in 2007. I've never really written about it because it's hard to find the words to describe something like that.  The birth had to be induced and I was awake for it and felt all the pain of a normal birth. When I changed my mind after declining the pethidene shot for several hours, the midwife, who was obviously due to finish her shift, got all huffy and slammed the door when she went out to get it. I know nurses and midwives are over worked and underpaid but I imagine that if it was a contest as to who was having the worst day that day I would have won. A bit of empathy, please. The only consolation was seeing the baby and being able to say goodbye to him.

Another memorable hospital experience was when Micky Blue Eyes was diagnosed with Cancer. He had to have a blood transfusion immediately as he was severely anaemic and losing blood. He was joking around and saying that maybe he should become a vampire and drink it because it would be quicker! Meanwhile, I had to leave my squeamishness at the door and get over myself very quickly. Then the surgeon came in to describe what he was going to do and it all sounded rather gruesome  It seemed that he was going to slice the bejesus out of him. Long story but we ended up changing surgeons and he had a specialist colo-rectal surgeon and I'm SO GLAD we did. Nine years later he's still here to tell the tale.
Me and Mr 5 when he was brand new.

Fortunately, after the still birth in 2007 I was pregnant again the following year. I had decided to change obstetricians because I was slightly uncomfortable with my former female obstetrician's rather blunt and straight forward beside manner. She was no Nina Proudman. Although that's possibly a good thing when you think about it. Isn't Nina just a little too neurotic to be a obstetrician? And doesn't she have rather too many complicated daydreams about her love life when she's supposed to be delivering babies? But this post isn't supposed to be about Offspring. Oops. Back to my point...

When the day rolled around and it was decided that I had to have an emergency c-section due to my alarmingly high blood pressure my obstetrician was away and the back up one was also away that day - so who did I end up with? You guessed it. Ms Blunt who expertly cut me open and delivered my baby (now Mr 5), tiny but breathing. That was all I was concerned with. Then, with her usual bluntness she cornered me, which wasn't very difficult considering I was completely numb from the waist down from the epidural thingy. I certainly wasn't going anywhere.

"How many more babies are you going to have? she barked.

"None," I replied "this is it."

"GOOD!" was her emphatic response "You were just lucky this time."

Thanks for the information, love.

I have to admit I did feel lucky. And I still do every day when I look at my boys.

Linking up with Kirsty from My Home Truths for I Must Confess. 


                                                    What are your hospital tales?
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25 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing Ness, I'm sorry for your unimaginable loss and hope you find some comfort in talking about it.
    I'm with you on not wanting to get pregnant EVER again. I'm on the flip side of the coin, meaning I just need to sit in the wet patch and I'm pregnant, whilst this is a blessing its also a curse, the baby making game for everyone is rigged by a higher power for sure.

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    1. Yes it's a miracle but a very challenging miracle that's for sure! Hope the rest of the pregnancy and birth goes smoothly so you can hold your new baby very soon and know it was worth it. xo

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  2. Sorry to hear about the baby you lost, that must have been very traumatic for you both :-(

    I had a midwife from hell at my first birth - she kept telling me I was "fine" and didn't need an epidural even though I wanted one. She left to go on her break and I think I did that thing from the Exorcist, I turned to my hubster and said GET. ME. AN. EPIDURAL.!!!! By the time Ms Nasty was back from lunch, I was blissfully pain free :-)

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    1. I shouldn't laugh at that mental image but - LOL!

      Thanks for the kind words. xo

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  3. I'm so sorry for the loss of your son :(
    I had an equally awkward high school reunion when I turned up to have a breast ultrasound done after Miss 11 was born as I'd had an abscess - the sonographer turned out to be a girl I'd gone to school with!

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    1. Oh dear. Very awkward - or as my 10 yo says in a faux American drawl "Awwwkwarrrd!"

      Thanks Emma. xo

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  4. Geez I'd like to get Ms Blunt a quick kick up the ... You sure have had your fair share of hospital drama, esp women issue stuff. Hugs for losing a precious son, I'm sure that never goes away. I'm not a fan of hospitals and yes they are busy and underpaid but some people should just NOT work in hospitals xx

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    1. Agree. They really shouldn't. I think I was just so grateful that my baby was safe that I didn't waste any energy over Ms Blunt.

      Thanks Em. xo

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  5. Sorry to hear about your loss Ness. We've been there. As you know, we lost two in a similar way. You call them "Angel Babies". Nobody ever said life would be easy.

    An asian philosopher once said,

    "If you are depressed, you are living in the past."

    "If you are anxious, you are living in the future."

    "If you are at peace, you are living in the present."

    Words to live by as we make our way into eternity. God bless the children and the mothers who love and bear them.......

    Ben

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    1. Thanks Ben and I am sorry for your losses too. :(

      Beautiful words, Thanks. xo

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  6. So sorry for your loss. I'm with Em I'd like to give Dr Blunt a good swift kick up the ahem.
    Maybe you should have feigned aggression as a side effect of the anesthetic and slapped smiley high school girl up the side of the face...dr blunt too.

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    1. He he I really should have. Thanks Tegan. xo

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  7. Oh the cuteness of newborn Mr 5 - those lips!

    Hugs for your loss - I can only imagine how hard it would be to share and I can understand the complete lack of words x

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    1. Thanks Kirsty. Mr 5 is still a cutie. I guess he'll always be one to me. Not biased AT ALL...

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  8. Thanks for sharing this today Ness, I am so sorry about your Angel baby, especially Ms Nasty-I am rather embarrassed about that especially being a midwife myself. How cute does Mr 5 look? so sweet xx

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    1. He IS sweet. He is also stubborn as hell. Not all midwives are like that, fortunately and all the others I've dealt with were lovely. Thanks love. xo

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  9. When we lose a child we don't just lose that tiny person that we already love, we lose all our hopes and dreams for them, and all the things we imagined for that baby as it grew up and for us as its parents. We lose an entire life and imagined future, and we lose a certain sense of safety and normality. Nothing ever looks quite the same again. No wonder you find it difficult to talk about it.

    There is no time limit on grief. I am so sorry for your loss.

    My mother, who was a nurse, always said that no matter how she was feeling the people she was nursing and their families were feeling worse. IWords your "midwife" needs branded on her forehead. I wish I could have a word with your excuse for a midwife who took an almost unbearable situation, decided her needs were more important and managed to make it just that little bit shittier. Astonishing lack of care and empathy. I am so sorry for that too. I hope writing about it helps a little.

    And thank goodness for modern medicine so you still have your Micky Blue Eyes :)

    PS, I think if my nemesis was one of my nurses I would manage somehow to crawl off the gurney and escape :)
    xo

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    1. I don't actually remember the midwife's name or what she looked like, I just remember her attitude at that moment. Up until then she had actually been lovely to me so not sure why she suddenly morphed into a biatch. All the other staff were very compassionate and considerate toward me. It's just an awful, heartbreaking experience that I wouldn't with on any mother ever. Thanks for you kind words, Ace. And you made me giggle with your PS comment. Imagine trying to escape in one of those hospital gowns with your bum hanging out - rahahahaha...

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    2. I meant 'wish' on any mother, obviously...

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  10. So sorry for your loss. This is a heart wrenching post, but you manage somehow to keep the humour about you too. That's an achievement x By the way, Great to meet another mid-life blogger! ... I found you via the lovely Middle Aged Mama on which you featured today :) Will follow you on Twitter too. Let's keep in touch :)

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    1. Hello Jo, great to 'meet' you too! Will pop over to check out your blog and follow on Twitter as well. Thanks for the kind words. :)

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  11. Oh what a terrible lady!! I think when they get to that point it is definitely time for a career change! Glad you have your son now to make it all worth while!

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  12. Ness - I haven't read your blog before, coming across you thanks to the shout-out from Janet at Middle Aged Mumma. I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your baby, and also your husband's (I presume) cancer battle. You've had a hard time of hospitals but right with a brave sense of humour. We went through infertility, IVF and then eventually adopted our two beautiful kids. I lost a baby through an ectopic pregnancy, which turned out to be my only pregnancy (I lost the tube too). I remember waking up after emergency surgery and hearing all the babies crying because I was in the maternity ward (I think they stuck a few women's ward beds with all the new Mums). It felt very surreal. That baby would be almost 16 now.

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    1. Oh man. I can't imagine what you've been through. I am sorry for your loss. So cruel to place you in a maternity ward.

      Thanks for the kind words and I look forward to reading your blog. :)

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