Saturday, 1 February 2014

The Bogan And The Not So Beautiful Go To Budgewoi

Happy New Year, all you lovely people! Yes, I'm aware that it's currently February so I probably should have managed this salutation a tad earlier. Oops.

I've been missing from this space for a while. I'm not sure I can string a coherent sentence together. I seem to have lost my blojo. Meaning: blogging mojo. Possibly because I never even had one in the first place. Sigh. I just started to feel like I was boring myself with this thing so I came to the logical conclusion that if I was bored writing it, readers must be bored too and it was time to take a break. Plus, you know me. Always super busy eating all the cake doing all the things.

Meanwhile, certain things have been happening among some of our acquaintances and old friends which I won't go into because that is their stuff. Suffice to say that it all just reiterates the fact that life is short, life is a lottery and frankly, pretty fucking unfair at times so you had better do the things that make you happy. Therefore, if laughing at myself with this ridonkulous little blog and using words like ridonkulous which isn't even word makes me (or anyone else) giggle, then dammit, I'd better keep doing it. Those who are bored by my banal musings can easily click away. Or not click at all as the case may be.

We've been busy little bogans. Or not so little bogans, in my case. Nope, haven't managed to go cold turkey on the cakies. I am exercising, so that's something. Of course the exercise would be much more beneficial if I could quit the cakes but you get that.

Christmas was a subdued affair. We spent the day at home eating a whole lot of food. Because nobody ever does that and we like to be different. Cutting edge and all that.  The next day we went to my brother and sister-in-law's place and ate even more food. Might as well be consistent with certain things.

New Year's Eve and day seemed like just another day. Except it was suddenly another year. I had a lovely, child free (Grandma to the rescue!) lunch out with friends to celebrate mine and my friend Kim's birthdays before packing our bags for yet another bogan road trip. This time we headed to the Central Coast which is basically similar to Boganville but with a beach. We figured we may as well keep things classy.

During the hour long drive, the boys pondered over whether the NSW Central Coast town of Budgewoi is pronounced Budgie Woi or Budge Woi. Apparently the locals call it Budgie. The Woi is optional. It was good to see that the boys take after their mother, always wanting to know the answers to important questions.

Arriving at our cabin, I was already a lovely rosy hue of pink despite slathering myself with five hundred layers of 50 plus sunscreen and wearing long sleeves. This phenomenon continued for the duration of the stay if I so much as ventured outdoors for even a nano-second. If there was ever a person who could be sunburned indoors during a blizzard, I'm sure it would be me.

Nevertheless, I did bravely head to the beach. Once. Shut up. It's torture for us Rangas! I'm not so sure I love a sunburned country. Or being sunburned in this sunburned country, anyway.  You know what I mean. If you don't, then just pretend you do. We're good? Okay, to the next thing. I also celebrated my 43rd birthday while there, when Micky Blue Eyes and the boys presented me with an overwhelming gift. Wait for it:

A card.

They even signed it and everything.

Grounds for divorce?

That evening we sauntered down to the local pub which felt more like a sauna. Haven't the owners heard of air conditioning?

Once there, we ordered some burgers with chips and bangers and mash for Mr 9 (typical classy bogan fare) for which we clearly and politely requested that the gravy be served on the side. Not a particularly burdensome or difficult request. However, the dish arrived smothered in gravy which Mr 9 loathes but Mr 12 loves, hence ordering it 'on the side'. Consequently, Micky Blue Eyes took it back only to endure the disgruntled chef scowling and slamming things. I can only pray that  the resulting gravy free dish that reappeared didn't have something worse in it. Yikes. We scored some cakies at a bakery on the way back to make up for that lacklustre culinary experience. Besides, it was my birthday. Shut up.

The boys struck up a friendship with some other kids in the next cabin and enjoyed the park's movie nights replete with microwaved popcorn.

The real highlight of the trip came when we enjoyed lunch at Toukley RSL before hitting the local Vinnies and Salvo's stores. It's hard work being a Professional Bogan, people. You have to be seen in all the right places.

Some days later we were back in Boganville, where intense preparations began to have Mr 12 ready to start High School. We had to purchase an Ipad as they use those instead of text books and we didn't already own one. Maybe one of these days I'll also get an Iphone and finally catch up with 2014. Or at least 2007. Or something. Ahem.

Hair cuts were the next item on the agenda. Those completed, I took the boys home where Mr 12 kept scratching furiously. Finally, Micky Blue Eyes turned to me and uttered the dreaded 'N' word.

"Do you think he might have nits?" he asked, brow furrowed.

"It could be just dandruff," I replied hopefully.


An examination of his head proved otherwise. Up until this point we had managed 12 glorious nit-free years. On the plus side, at least this now clarifies or emphasises our bogan status. SO proud. Okay, not really...

We frantically treated all of our hair and washed all bed linen. This is not what you want just days before school returns!

Thankfully, the little buggers seem to have disappeared and Mr 12 made it to his first three days of High School. His verdict? Too easy. We shall see, dear. Especially once homework, assignments and essays start rolling in.  Also, he was super excited when he had a double period of PE on Thursday. This makes me rather concerned that he may not even really be my child at all. To say I was never excited about PE during High School could be the understatement of the century.

On Monday Mr 5 officially starts Kindergarten. I won't cry. No way. Not me. I might have something in my eye. Sniff. I should be celebrating. After all, doesn't this mean I will suddenly, magically have all this extra time on my hands to do important things?  Like update this blog more frequently!

BOOM! Be warned.

Stayed tuned for the next exciting episode of Days Of Our Bogan Lives....

What's been happening in your World?


  1. When I saw your Hello from Boganville in my inbox I thought "Hello Ness", it's good to see you posting again, have missed you, nits and all ;)

    1. Hello Ace. I miss you too. Hope things are well in your World. Good to know I have at least one subscriber! xo

  2. Good to see that you're back Ness and Happy New Year to you too! I'm sure that you will put more frosting on the cake of Bogan life in 2014!

    Something you might find interesting other than other things I could write about is the discovery of a very clean vinyl record of the Carpenters "Made in America". The song "I Believe You" never sounded so good to me. Only fellow Carpenters fans would understand.



    1. Good score, Ben. I haven't listened to Carpenters on vinyl in aaaages. That would be something special! I love the so-called 'Acapella' version of I Believe You that is floating around on Youtube. Karen's voice is achingly beautiful. But then - it always is!

  3. Oh, Ness you should get back to vinyl if you can manage it. Sound is naturally analog and vinyl is analog; there's no conversion step like with digital. You're getting as much of the sound spectrum as possible within the limits of any recording technology.

    Mick could enjoy AC/DC in vinyl, and you could enjoy all of those luscious Carpenters albums in vinyl. You may even notice something you've missed with the digital recordings.

    A good system is required. You don't want to get one of those new, cheap box systems they sell at the Department stores. Component systems are the best, and used gear can be very affordable. If you have a component system already, it could be as simple as just adding a good turn table to your system.

    Vinyl, as you may already know, can have some drawbacks. There's the potential for crackle, pops, clicks, rumble, etc., but a good record cleaning machine and anti-static brush help eliminate those things. Some people don't mind some noise. There is some maintenance involved, and you have to get up and turn the record over. The sound is worth it!

    Once bitten, there's no turning back from the vinyl addiction. It's kinda like how the Carpenters' music is inescapable and in our bones. If you could replace cakies with vinyl, you'll do well. If you can't, then maybe you could have some cakie and listen to vinyl :-).


    1. It sounds like something I could get into. My boys would be bemused with how we listened to music in the 'olden days', too. I do have a cupboard full of records I haven't been able part with, many of them Carpenters ones!

  4. So glad you are back !!! I missed you.
    Ridonkulous is so a word !!!
    My husband can get burnt inside in a blizzard - you would make a great pair if you got together !
    Can't wait for the next episode.
    Have the best day !

    1. Thanks, love! I've missed everyone, too. It's good to be back. :)