Tuesday, 18 February 2014

Sweating As A Skill

This week’s I Must Confess topic is confessing to any skills or talents I may have. I must admit that when I read this topic I was rather dismayed. I don’t have any skills or talents, I thought forlornly, as weepy violin music swelled in the background. What the hell will I write? I am a great big vacuum of mediocrity. Not exactly truly great or truly terrible at anything.  Oh wait….

I am worse than terrible at many things. In fact, I could write a comprehensive bullet point list of  The Things I’m Terrible At. Because what is a blog post without the ubiquitous bullet list?

Things I’m Terrible At

  • Sport – particularly team sports or anything with balls in it *shudders*.
  • Small talk – or, you know, just talking. Period.
  • Maths – the thought of doing any of those Sudoku things is terrifying.
  • Cooking – unless toast counts as cooking. It does right? Ahem. Truthfully, this is possibly a talent I could develop, especially cooking cakies. The problem with this is that it would lead to the eating of the cooked cakies, something I need to less of, not more of, so I figure it’s better to avoid the temptation.
  • Sewing – when I did Textiles, or whatever  it’s called, in Year 7, I sewed my own finger. Enough said.
  • Art – I really can’t paint or draw. Well, I can – stick figures. This is totally my brother’s fault. He stole all the artistic genes instead of leaving some for me. Hmph.
  • Music – can’t play any instrument. From time to time I have had the delusion fanciful notion that I may be able to sing a little if I’d ever learnt to sing in my own comfortable range instead of attempting to channel Karen Carpenter. Impossible. Since I can never sing in front of people regardless, clearly Adele and Susan Boyle have nothing to fear from this bogan.
  • Dancing – Two left feet. No co-ordination or sense of rhythm AT ALL. Awkward and self-conscious as fuck. Forget it.
  • Craft – however, craft is evil so I’m terribly distressed by this one.
  • Acting – I’m never destined to win an Academy Award. It may be a Asperger’s thing but my face is usually blank and expressionless no matter what emotion I may be feeling internally. Meryl Streep can rest assured – her job is safe. 

 After completing that woeful list I’m feeling a tad despondent. There must be something I’m good at. Maybe I just don’t know what it is because I rarely try doing new things. Using ‘rarely’ in the sense of ‘never’.  All the cool people seem to be into crochet these days. I’ve thought about giving it a go. This thought usually lasts about 2.3 seconds. 

In order to finish this post with at least a shred of dignity I’m going to claim one dubious thing as a ‘talent’ or ‘skill’. For the last few weeks I’ve exercised every single day. I’ve done so without any expensive gym membership or personal trainer. Take THAT Michelle Bridges. I’ve just dutifully put on a DVD (okay, at least one of them featured Michelle Bridges) or a Youtube clip and became sweaty.

That’s something, right? Shut up. I’m saying it is. So ner!

Linking up with Kirsty from My Home Truths for I Must Confess.






                                             What are your skills or talents?
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13 comments:

  1. Yeah just come across Bogan blog nice.Keep it up

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  2. One of my friends can sew really well, hell she seems to be able to do a lot of things well and she said to me one day that it's really not that hard. Said friend was obviously not present during Home Ec classes where I became quite good at unpicking things..really sucky at the actual sewing of things though.

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    1. Yep, sewing is really not my thing at all. I hate even sewing a button on!

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  3. You're really pretty good at telling us how talentless you are. Does that count for being good at something :-).

    Your post reminds of an epidose of Rod Serling's "The Twilight Zone". The episode is called a "A Game of Pool". It's about an obsession with being the best at something and what that can do to you.

    To see it, copy and paste this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojVzaXMENkI

    This is brilliant, philosophical stuff. If you don't learn something about being the best at something after watching this episode, then nobody can help you.

    Do you really need to prove something to anyone but yourself? Ever try fishing or just something that you like to do regardless of what anyone thinks?

    KC has given you the answer in her lovely song "Sing": "Don't worry that it's not good enough for anyone else to hear, just sing, sing a song......"

    Ben

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    1. I will watch that later when I have more time. And you're right about KC giving me the answer. Thanks, Ben.

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  4. Hi Vanessa! My name is Cameron and I was wondering if you'd be willing to answer a quick question I have about your blog. You can reach me at cvonstjames [at] gmail [dot] com - Thanks! Hope to hear from you soon. :)

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    1. You could have asked me here but no problem. I'll email. Thanks.

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  5. Well, I've eaten nothing but sugar and carbs for two days, after weeks of carefully avoiding them, and my digestive disorder is now kicking in. Probably tmi again but I am currently trialling farting and pooping as a skill.

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    1. That actually made me really LOL!

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    2. :D How I wish my children shared your enthusiasm...

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  6. PS, you can write, you have a great sense of humour, you know everything there is to know about Karen Carpenter, you're kind, and you're raising kids, all of which count as skills. Didn't you also mention being good at working in a library? Stop slagging yourself off, that's our job ;)
    xo

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    1. Well, you're not very good at it. You just made me feel all puffed up and proud of myself. Thanks Ace. xo

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