Monday, 14 October 2013

A Post About Nothing

I Must Confess I have nothing to say. Absolutely nothing. Just so we're clear, I repeat: NOTHING.

Well, nothing interesting, anyway.

But that's never stopped me before.  So, in keeping with the Seinfeldian theme of this blog, I bring to you a rather riveting post about nothing. You're welcome.

I'm sure you're all bursting to know what is going on in the dim, dark recesses of my mind. It is well known that I am extremely deep, enigmatic and introspective. Always brooding, ruminating and contemplating the very important issues in life such as:

Why did Karen Carpenter have to pass at 32?

Why can't I have my cake? And eat it too?

What can I have for dinner? Especially when that pesky old Dinner Fairy refuses to show her luminous face. Hmph.

Why is Gilbert Blythe a fictional character? And why couldn't he love ME not Anne?! I have red hair!

In addition to such pressing issues, I am also constantly wondering why exactly is it SUCH a herculean task to keep a house consisting of approximately 7 rooms anything even remotely resembling clean or tidy? Therein may lay the answer....


If I am really being my usual happy, sunny, perky, cheerful, positive self - and we all know that's always the way I roll - there may be a few other things I would pause to pointlessly ponder over, such as:

Why am I so shy?

Why am I so introverted?

Why do I have Ass Burgers?

Why do I have dizziness/middle ear or some fictional thing I made up according to some specialists?

Why do I keep asking pointless questions?

I have been dutifully trotting off to see my counsellor. She gave me some information regarding an Adult Asperger's Support Group which was not terribly far from Boganville.  Therefore, I did not have an excuse to procrastinate about going to one anymore. But I did anyway. I put off making the call until after the school holidays. Finally, I pressed in the number. A robotic voice informed me: No one is available to take your call! Please leave a message after the tone. So I left one, tripping over my words and feeling foolish as I did so. That was nearly a week ago. Nobody has called back.

Meanwhile, I had an appointment scheduled with  my counsellor which was confirmed with a phone call from the centre. Half an hour later somebody else called back and said my counsellor isn't doing counselling anymore and would I like to make an appointment with somebody else?  This is annoying when you're a shy, introverted Aspie. Having to start over with a  new counsellor. Sighing, I agreed but she said she would have to ring back with an appointment time. That was days ago. Nobody has rang me back.

I suppose that means I have to go to the tremendous effort of ringing them again. If I get the machine again, I should leave a huffy. indignant message. Except I won't. Because I'm too nice. GAH.

Why can't I be a BITCH?  I went for a whole two paragraphs without a pointless question so I had to slide another one in. Shut up.

In other extremely fascinating news, I need to buy a new vacuum cleaner. I am going to get one on Thursday or Friday. This will probably be the most exciting thing I do all week. I was perusing the Bogan Box last night and thinking that it resembled a brothel until I realised that I have no idea what brothels actually look like. They're most likely MUCH cleaner than my house. I mean, just think about it. If you were going to have kinky, illicit sex you'd want to be doing that shit on freshly laundered sheets, right?

In the midst of all this excitement I managed to win Slapdash Mama Sarah's Blogaversary Competition! I've never won anything so this was quite thrilling indeed. She wrote a lovely poem about me or actually about Boganville I think, which was quite charming and you can read it here. Thanks Sarah!

Of course this leads me to another confession. In writing this poem, Slapdash somehow managed to 'out' me and reveal my darkest secret.

You may be shocked to discover that I am not really a bogan despite my Boganville address. GASP.

Oh okay, I outed myself in the comments (and every other week here in my own space, when I bang on about The Carpenters). Minor detail. Anyway, since I've really got nothing else to write about except the same old boring as batshit bogan shtick, I think we can all just overlook that and go with it, right? Besides, whether I'm really a bogan or not is debatable. I live in bogan territory and that alone is enough for some folk. So ner. Added to the fact that I write gibberish with dubious attention to grammar and phrases like so ner. So ner. NER NER NER NER!!

THIS turned up in my Facebook feed the other day.



 To the person who posted it, it worked. I am, quite frankly annoyed that nobody is with me on this cancel Christmas thing. It will be your own fault when you feel like poking your own eyeballs out from hearing Mariah Carey wailing about what she wants for Christmas for the billionth time. You've been warned.

Another thing that has been bothering me of late is the fact that I suddenly  remembered that a few months ago a lovely blogger presented me with one of those Leibster Awards or some such thing. Anyway, because I perpetually have my head lodged firmly up my posterior and I'm SUCH a space cadet I have forgotten who that lovely person was and not responded. So, whoever you were THANKYOU. It's not you, it's me, okay?

And that brings me limping to the end of this pointless post about nothing. Stay tuned for the next post when I'll actually blog about SOMETHING. Or nothing again. You never know. Ahem.

Linking up with Kirsty from My Home Truths for I Must Confess.




'                                      Should  I really ask another pointless question? Oh look, I did!
Reactions:

30 comments:

  1. I was going to leave a very lovely comment until I got to your bloody picture of the big fat man in a red suit which has annoyed the crap out of me and made me forget all the nice things!! Loved it Ness!! If the dinner or house cleaning fairies show up at my place I promise to send them your way, promise!!

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    1. Glad I'm not the only one who finds him annoying, especially as he has this tendency to not even turn up just like the bloody Dinner Fairy. You'd think he'd didn't even exist!! xo

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  2. Why would we want to miss a chance to hear "Merry Christmas Darling" and the other great Carpenters Christmas music when it's supposed to be played and at a time whe it means the most?

    Christmas is what YOU make it, not what other people make it. It can only be special only if YOU want it to be. Some things are worth the effort. Check out Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" to find out why Christmas is special and why it really matters!

    What annoys me is the effort to cut Christmas out of society. It's the desire to call a Christmas tree a Holiday tree. It's the desire to say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas.

    Why should we be surprized? They're the same people who don't want peace. They're the same people who don't value people treating each other well. They're the same people who want to make Christmas a sad, materialistic commercial holiday.

    I revolt and I rebel! I say Merry Christmas! I say peace on earth and good will toward people. I say a Christamas tree. I say Christmas is more than buying stuff. I say Christmas is great for families. I say let's love Christmas as much as Karen Carpenter did!

    Sorry for the rant, Ness, but I just had to get that off my chest.

    Respectfully,

    Ben

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    1. Oh, I TOTALLY agree Ben, Christmas is what YOU make it. And what I would like to make it is CANCELLED, okay? No? Oh well, as you say at least we get to hear KC sing Merry Christmas Darling and others. That alone might make the whole commercialised side of it bearable. But only just. xo

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  3. I know it's not your point but I don't get the cake and eat it too saying. What else do you do with a cake? If you have your cake, then you eat it too (or it goes in the bin).

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    1. I think it means that once you've eaten it's gone and that's it. Or something. Basically I'm saying I have no idea either...

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  4. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not the Santa Monster - so not ready for it yet!!!

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  5. OMG Christmas, I want it cancelled too! Seriously I spotted decorations out for sale in Myer over a month ago. What ever happened to no talk or hint of Christmas till December 1st?

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    1. Every year I say I'm going to be more organised and be all set for it and every year I'm always flying by the seat of my pants so it's my own fault really. Sigh. No, it's SANTA'S fault! HMPH.

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  6. I am in denial about Christmas--so not ready yet!!

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    1. I'll never be ready, that's my problem! x

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  7. I think we might almost be twins!! I have nothing to say either - in fact I have so little to say that I'm about to hit publish on a post about chicken shit ... I also have red hair, a house with 7 rooms and ask pointless questions endlessly. Loved the Slapdash poem and I'm eaten up with envy that you one (envy is slightly less calorific than cake so t's ok to have it AND eat it ;)

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    1. The chicken shit post sounds quite interesting. I've never won anything or had somebody envy me so two firsts!! x

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  8. YOU WILL NOT BE CANCELLING CHRISTMAS because I have an awesome present for Dyllan I need an excuse to give it to him dammit. Mariah Carey can go choke on a ahem chord....
    Love how even though you attempted to post about nothing, it once again made me literally LOL. Keep up the awesome work

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    1. I HATE SMUG PEOPLE WHO ALREADY HAVE PRESENTS SORTED BY OCTOBER!! You shouted at me so I shouted back. Caps lock is shouting online, isn't it? xo

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  9. I'm kind of disappointed that you are only masquerading as a bogan. You make it sound like something to aspire to. ;-)

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    1. Well, I suppose it depends on what your definition of a bogan is. I'm not the archetypal flannie wearing, Acca Dacca loving bogan, but I'm sort of a 'noice' bogan. xo

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  10. That was a lot of something for nothing. A very amusing nothing. Christmas is at my place this year, thanks to my big mouth husband, I should have poked him in the eyeballs.

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    1. You really should have. I have no idea what we're doing. I don't want to think about it. Sigh.

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  11. That picture gave me stomach cramps. Anybody else mentions Christmas before Dec 12th, I am coming round to chat to you in person.

    Phone calls. I hate them. I almost always refuse to do them, insisting on emailing/texting instead. And it's upsetting when you've worked up the courage to call a stranger - which is one of my issues - and they don't even bother to respond. Sods!



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    1. FARKING SODS!! I won't even be THINKING about Christmas before December if can help it. xo

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  12. HAHAHAHA. Oh dear. I'm sorry I de-boganed you. Maybe it's just that I used Qld bogan references? You are delightful and hilarious. Phonecalls are awful. xxx

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    1. I think I de-boganed myself with all the Carpenters references anyway. xo

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  13. LOL, I sooo love this post Ness. As for being close to being bogan but not really a bogan - perhaps upper middle bogan?!

    As for Christmas, well I'm with you there. And no I'm not a scrooge-ish type, it's just a lot of hullabaloo for one day. Oh yes, I'd rather remove my ears with a blunt spoon than listen to Mariah Carey's wailing.

    Thanks for the laughs.

    G. xx

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    1. YES! That's what I am: Upper Middle Bogan. Thanks, mate. xo

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  14. For someone who has nothing to say, you sure have a lot to say. I love how you mentioned Gilbert Blythe. Brought memories flooding back! Great post.

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    1. Yes, a lot of nothing! Gotta love Gilbert! Thanks Renee. xo

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  15. You should always ask another pointless question! Always!

    Your blog always makes me chuckle, so much so that I have listed your for the Sunshine Award over at my little blog http://www.mumdanity.com/2013/10/little-rays-sunshine-award.html.

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    1. Thanks, love. That's really sweet of you. Sorry for the late reply. Haven't checked in here much lately. Sigh.

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