Monday, 9 September 2013

The Buried Hopes Of A Bogan (Or Something)

It's hard to believe that I could have any regrets. I mean, just look at my life. I'm a 42 year old unemployable, overweight bogan living in a fibro box in Boganville. It doesn't get any better than that, right? However the truth is, my life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes now. That's a sentence I once read in a book and I say it over to comfort myself in these times that try the soul. Not really. The first part about the buried hopes, anyway. I've just always wanted to use that line out of Anne Of Green Gables. Ahem.

Anyway, onto my regrets. Deep regretful sigh. SIGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Surprisingly I do have  a few. I think it would probably be a good thing to confess to them and let them go. I'll feel so much better and move forward free from regrets, a huge weight finally lifted from my shoulders. That, or I'll just add this post to the list. Who knows? Only one way to find out. In no particular order I present my list of bogan regrets:

  • I regret decorating the living room of my parents house with a texta pen when I was around three years old. Sorry Mum!
  • I regret kicking that boy in the shins at school when he tried to comfort me because I was peeved about not getting to go home early one day when my brother did. Even though I don't remember exactly who you were. Sorry, dude.
  • I regret reading my Enid Blyton books under the desk at school. (Actually, no I don't. Honestly, what 10 year old book worm could put those books down and concentrate on their long division just when George and Timmy the dog were about to catch those nasty smugglers? None, right? The thing was impossible.)
  • I regret cutting off my long hair when I was 14.
  • I regret then thinking that a mullet perm was a good idea. Or any perm.
  • I regret wasting so much energy thinking I was 'fat' when I was younger.
  • I regret turning down that lucrative modelling contract when I was younger because I thought I was 'fat'.
  • Okay, there was no contract. I just made that last point up to see if you were paying attention. As if you would believe that anyway. Did you? Don't answer that.
  • I regret making that up, okay?! (Not really, I have to get your attention somehow. Ahem.)
  • I regret saving up a sizeable chunk of money when I was young, ostensibly so I could go overseas and then just getting married and putting it into a mortgage and never going, because now that will never happen. An even deeper regretful sigh. SIGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
  • I regret perceiving being such a quiet person as extremely negative trait and not seeing it as a possible strength in having a library career.
  • I regret the consequence of the above perception. This resulted in me 'burning my bridges' in almost every job I had. I ended up leaving because I believed it was only a matter of time before I was fired. I have since learnt that this is common thing that Aspie's do.
  • Sometimes I regret not knowing that I am Aspie sooner than age 40. Unsure if it would have made any difference so I don't spend too much time on this regret.
  • I regret turning down Brad Pitt's proposal because then he went and married that bloody pouty Angelina Jolie biatch.
  • Okay, you caught me making up stuff again. I admit, it was a bit obvious that time. As if anyone would turn me down for Angelina. Unthinkable, right? Pfffffffffffffft.
  • I regret replacing my exercise addiction with a cakie one because now I'm struggling to reverse that.
  • I regret going to Weight Watchers a few years ago and doing so well, losing weight, only to fall off the wagon spectacularly and regain. See above point.
  • I really regret that anxiety has become such a presence in my life and is something I struggle with constantly. Enormous regretful sigh containing all the sorrows of the ages. SIGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Having now confessed to such a long list of regrets I must add that I am (slowly) learning to accept myself and the way things are right now, rather than focusing on 'could have beens' and 'shoulds' and 'what ifs' and all that maudlin stuff that can be quite draining and a waste of energy. After all, I haven't listed any murders, have I? Oh wait. I accidentally murdered my dog. Oops. Long story. I do deeply and profoundly regret that. Sorry Betsy!

Right. That's it. Nothing else. I've never been arrested, been caught naked or done drugs or anything illegal. Damn. I'm actually frightfully boring. Maybe I better go and get arrested just so I can add something interesting to my list. I regret being boring. On second thought, being boring is what I do best. Especially with this blog. You're welcome.

Linking up with Kirsty from My Home Truths for I Must Confess.

   What are your regrets? Or do you have more of an Edith Piaf approach to life and have no regrets?


  1. Dont go changing Ness ;-) I never regret reading any of your blog posts. I regret not being calmer and more confident during my 20s and early 30s.

    1. I regret that too. Still do in my 40's. Sigh.

      Thanks Brenda. xo

  2. Your blog is far from boring lovely lady and I seriously doubt that you are boring in person, quiet perhaps but boring, not likely. Loved the regrets

    1. Yeah, because being quiet isn't boring, right? It's deep and mysterious. Yep, I'm the brooding, enigmatic type. Ahem. xo

  3. You and your blog are definitely not boring - I love coming here and seeing what you have written / made up / experienced !!! Truly, you have a way with words and that, together with your sarcasm and wit, is what keeps me coming back !
    Have the best day !

    1. Thanks, lovely! At this point even I HAD been arrested nobody would believe me, anyway, would they? I love that you come back. xo

  4. You are never boring! You are witty and funny and you write bloody well. I am FAR more boring than you! I always enjoy reading your posts :-) xo

    1. I think I better stop saying I'm boring. It's starting to seem like I'm fishing for these compliments. Oh dear. That is such a lovely comment. THANKYOU. xo

  5. Regrets, I've had a few. As an aside, I KNEW THAT GRAVEYARD OF BURIED HOPES QUOTE WAS FROM ANNE! I love that you love it and that you used it.
    I regret MANY things and sometimes stew over them and send myself cray cray. I regret doing that. Sometimes I regret some of my outfit choices. I also regret not being more of a goer in my youth. If you get my drift. Nudge nudge.

    1. We are true kindred spirits, Sarah and when we when eventually meet at some bloggy get together (unlikely, as I never have the balls to go, but that's beside the point) we must make a vow Anne and Diana like and then I'll get you accidentally drunk with raspberry cordial or vice versa. Deal?

      I'd wish I had been more of a goer too, except there was nobody to go for. The boys stayed away in droves. Still don't get it. Sigh.

  6. You are such an awesome bogan Ness! LOVED the Anne of Green Gables reference and the pretend regrets to keep us on our toes. One of my other regrets is that I never pursued singing more after school. I was never a fabulous singer but I wasn't bad but I was paralysed by fear and never gave myself a chance anyway. I'm not talking being a chart-topping singer but maybe playing some gigs around town for a bit of fun - I still hold a little hope of doing that one day...

    1. I KNOW! You could sing on your next Vlog! If you haven't already. Thanks Kirsty. xo

  7. If I start with regrets, we will be here forever. And ever. And ever.

    Do something for you, just one thing, to make yourself feel good about yourself. If nothing else it will let you know how special you are - which is something we already know, even if you remain unconvinced :)

  8. Self reflection and ruminating over one's life can be an interesting exercise. Regrets, and I have a few, are like warm beer or a badly made martini.

    Aldous Huxley put the whole regret thing in perspective. He said that if you've done something wrong, one does not get clean by rolling around in the mud. Make amends; resolve to do better the next time; and move on with life.

    If regrets are mistakes, then let's resolve to learn from them and do better, and then we can drink cold beer and drink well made martini's with good gin and those delightful olives or whatever bev of your choice for that matter.

    It's always a delight reading your blog Ness. I do have one deep, dark regret; I regret not having discovered your blog sooner. I'd say keep up the good work, but that's not necessary.

    Not So Anonymous Ben