Thursday, 2 May 2013

I Thought This Bogan Would Be Better At Stuff By Now

I am 42. And I thought I'd be better at this thing called Life by now. Which reminds me of that meme I've seen floating around Facebook, which says something like: I miss being the age when I thought I'd have my shit together by the time I was the age I am now. Yeah, THAT.

There are so many things I thought I'd be better at by now. Such as:

Talking/Communicating

Growing up I always believed that I would magically 'come out of my shell' one day, just like everybody kept telling me I SHOULD. I MUST. I felt certain  there was a bubbly, outgoing chatterbox inside me just busting to get out. Eventually it would happen and I'd suddenly find myself sprouting verbal diarrhoea with the best of them. I was going to be extremely witty, droll and just plain LOUD. The anti-thesis of this mute, shy, introverted girl. I would shine. Stand out in a crowd for once, instead of being instantly forgettable. More than twenty years later, it hasn't happened. I am still the quietest person in the room, wherever I am. People still say things like "You're the quietest person I've ever known." Worse still, they will sometimes even talk about me as if I'm not even there. It's true. I still rarely speak. People forget that I'm there. I fade into the furniture. That bubbly, witty person is figment of my imagination.


Organisation/Remembering Stuff

As a child I was a total off with the pixies space cadet with my head permanently 'up the Faraway Tree'. Nothing has changed as an adult. This is not extremely helpful when you are meant to the person in charge of running a house including three small people. My attention span is worse than the average two year old. Knowing that this is something to do with having Aspergers means I now understand why. However, the problem does not go away. For example, one of the  boys may ask me for some two minute noodles. Dutifully, I go the monumental effort of pouring sachets and boiling water on them, then walk away to wait for the allotted two minutes. Half an hour later, a ravenous child whines:"Where's my noodles?" Oops.

Driving

While I do have a license, I didn't get it until I was 36. At 42 I am still on my P Plates. I am one of those pathetic people who actually drives around for 15 minutes or so, looking for another, easier parking space so I don't have to parallel park. In fact, I haven't done it once since I passed my driving test. I also avoid driving to unfamiliar places, at night and in heavy traffic. In other words, I might as well have never bothered getting a licence. But least I now have photographic ID for those times when we go to an extremely classy RSL club. We are dedicated bogans, after all.

Parenting

When Mr 11 (soon to be Mr 12) was born in 2001, I became I relatively good parent. Surprisingly, since I was a 30 year old person who had zero experience being around babies and children. In fact I had possibly only ever held a baby once or twice for a total of ten minutes. Still, I managed to puree home made food, read bed time stories every night and generally do an okay job. Naturally, in my naivete, I believed this meant that I could only be a better parent to any subsequent children. After all, I now had experience. HA! It turns out that it actually gets harder with more children. Who knew? Second time around I had to factor in that now I not only had a squalling infant, but a demanding toddler as well. My standards dropped. I didn't manage to puree baby food quite so often. I fed Mr9 so much mashed banana and yoghurt as a baby that I think I have permanently turned him off those foods. By the time Mr 4 arrived we slowly but surely progressed to the wonderfully varied diet we now enjoy as a family these days. It consists of two minute noodles, sausages, fish fingers and lumpy mashed potato. Yum.

Medical Stuff

Basically I'm a big scaredy cat about anything of a medical nature. I thought I'd be well and truly over this phobia by now. Wrong. A routine blood test still has me shaking. Even entering a hospital for any reason at all, makes me feel wobbly. I could never have been a nurse. The thing is, as you get older there is a more pressing need to have all sorts of medical stuff attended to. Considering that I'm lucky enough to be in relative good health I should be able to just get over myself and get on with it.

Technology/Blogging

After a year of this blogging  business, I thought I'd most likely become better at it. Sorry folks. Hasn't happened. I continue to clock in a spectacularly underwhelming performance just like a typical lazy 'she'll be right' bogan. I don't have a niche. Or understand anything about RSS or SEO. I thought they were possibly LOL text type talk. Are they? Meh, whatever. I briefly attempted to raise the bar the other day when I noticed a Blogs and PR concern on Twitter on the lookout for Lifestyle Bloggers. I tweeted back that I do, indeed, blog about my bogan lifestyle. No response. Can't think why.

My photography skills are non-existent. I've still never taken a selfie. Instagram is complete mystery to me and likely to remain so. There is no point in even bothering when I am such an abysmal technophobe.  Who wants to see my woeful attempts at photography. On that note, I'm not even going to bother adding images to this post. There is no point.

So basically what I'm saying is, I thought I'd be better at EVERYTHING by now.


I'm very excited to be linking up for the first time ever with The Lounge which is being hosted this week by Tegan from Musings Of The Misguided.  If there is one thing I'm certainly good at, it's lounging around. And I'm getting better at it all the time.


What did you think you would be better at by now?
Reactions:

30 comments:

  1. You might not feel like you have gotten better at communication but I think you have. It's awesome to see you getting involved in conversations on Twitter. Sure ultimately it would be nice ot be better at Real Life communication but we all work to our strengths and if you are better at communicating behind a computer screen then that is perfectly fine!
    Thanks for linking up with The Lounge!

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    1. Thanks Tegan. Yes, online communicating is much easier for me. I guess it has to be fine. I'm 42 and I don't think I'll be changing at this point. Love the link up. x

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  2. I think you are great at online communication, I love reading your blog posts!!
    Don't feel bad I am just as hopeless at many of the things on your list!! I had an epic parenting fail last night- the kds were mucking up big time and I had had enough, yelled like a fishwife and threw them into bed and slammed the door. Hindsight best thing I ever did they went to sleep straight away and slept until 7am but I felt so bad about it.

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    1. OH I hear you. I've had those moments too. I'm usually so quiet so it really stuns my boys when I do that. Don't feel bad, it's perfectly normal.

      Thanks for the kind words too. x

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  3. I drive the world's smallest car (Daihatsu Sirion) and still I freak out when I have to reverse park - backwards forwards backwards forwards. Eek. I'd rather walk an extra 5 minutes than have to struggle through that in traffic.

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    1. I knowwww, it's even worse when you think people are watching you, thinking how in the world did that woman get her license?

      Thanks for stopping by. :)

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  4. SO many things, so little time! A varied diet is totally over-rated just quietly. I was bought up on a steady diet of sausages, chops and spag bol, with the occasional vegetable managing to make it down my gullet (when I wasn't holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out in the toilet!). As the oldest in a family of 5 kids, with a mother who detested cooking because she had such fussy children, we have all turned out ok with minimal to no health problems and 3 out of the 5 of us are pretty good eaters now, myself included. I try to keep that in mind when I feed my daughter fish fingers for the third night in a row!

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    1. Thanks Kylie, my boys do seem to be thriving and full of energy. It's me who should stick to the salads. Ahem.

      Thanks for stopping by. x

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  5. I love you Ness. Also, niche?? WTF is that anyway?

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    1. Back atchya. Yeah, who knows? I'm going with Kim's version. xo

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  6. Niche.. I think it's something you eat that has eggs and possibly bacon in it, with a pastry base. Personally I don't really like them.
    Technology? We are kindred spirits Ness, you and me. I am a luddite. I still don't understand fully how the words in my computer go to other places. But hell, if i can make them go there with the magic, I will!!

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    1. That does sound like my kind of niche. Nom nom nom...

      And my lack of technical skills isn't going to stop me boring as many people as I can with my bogan antics. So ner lol

      Thanks for reading. xo

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  7. If it makes you feel any better I am a hopeless driver too. But I reckon I could get you talking Ness - I'd just ask about the Carpenters ;-)

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    1. Weirdly enough I don't really even talk about them these days. I've learnt not to over the years. Which probably means there is a well of Carpenters stuff waiting to burst out of me, so if you did get me talking you would be SO SORRY Muahahhaha

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  8. You see your faults. I see your strengths. A person who is anxious and afraid to drive, but forced herself to do it anyway. Who finds communicating tough, so has found a way to reveal the witty, amusing and intelligent self we get to meet in these posts. Medical procedures - why should you just toughen up? who told you this? It's false. You do what you have to do, despite fear. That is called courage.

    As for technology, don't waste your time, learn what you have to learn, it changes every 6 months anyway, and you do just fine.

    And parenting. Ha! You think those wonderful things you do, getting your kids organised for school, keeping them clean, fed, a roof over their head, letting them know you care about them - you think they are to be discounted because everyone does them. Guess what? No, they don't. Your kids are growing up in a safe home environment with enough to eat and loving parents. There is a school I know of, I have a friend who works there. The things I hear about would break your heart. One of the kids in junior secondary was discovered to be living in a nearby bus shelter because his mother had thrown him out. The police were called in to break up a fist fight in an early years class between two mothers. A mother came to this school and was punching and choking her teenage son in the playground, so they went into lock down. Another parent passed out at the wheel, full of drink and drugs, in the car park, after dropping her primary age child off to school. All these incidents and many more happened in the last year. And these are NOT unusual.

    Lucky those who believe this sort of thing is not common. The fact is that the standard of parenting you provide is high.

    You are doing just fine. I don't know much, but I do know that.
    xo

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    1. Oh God I love you, Al. You always make me feel better about myself. Mick is always saying the same thing to me. That compared to many of the feral parents we are doing an excellent job. Those stories are just horrifying. I don't think I could handle seeing and hearing that every day, it definitely would break my heart.

      I think you are wrong on one point, though. Technology changes every 6 minutes, not every 6 months. Who can keep up with that? xo

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    2. Love you back. He sounds like a good guy. And yep, you are are right, possibly even 6 seconds :)

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    3. You are a wise soul Al. Thank you for your wonderful post. Ness certainly deserves our encouragement. Love more and don't worry too much.

      You've only seen the beginnig of what happens to people who aren't loved. I see the end.

      I've seen people in secured housing units in State prisons. It's like no other feeling to be in a maximum security prison and have a guard staring down at you with an assault rifle in his hand ready to riddle any prisoner that tries to get away.

      This is where the abused and sad cases often end up. They found what Ness gives to her children in gangs.

      Yes, love more and don't worry about the small things.

      God bless,

      Ben

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    4. I've watched a few docos about maximum security prisons. Fascinating but terrifying.

      Gangs are completely terrifying. Perish the thought of my boys ever being involved in that.

      Thanks, Ben. xo

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  9. Ness I'm with you on so many of those points. I am a self-diagnosed techno-spazz and if it wasn't for Tegan's technical abilities I doubt I'd even be involved in The Lounge! Also from you know from my last post I'm a little *ahem* slack with the medical issues.

    And I am still to this day fairly vague and off with the fairies! I used to escape into books my family still pays me out about the fact that I read Anne of Green Gables 12 times!

    Love your work Ness and so glad you have added the much needed "bogan" element which no self-respecting establishment can do without xxx

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    1. Only 12 times?? I've lost count of the amount of times I've read 'Anne'. Ahem.

      Your blog certainly does not reflect the alleged 'techno-spazz' thing you mention.

      I'm glad you are getting your medical shit sorted. Good girl.

      Thanks, mate. Love your work, too. xo

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  10. I'm sure a lot of us can relate to some of your points, but don't be too hard on yourself! I would like to be more outgoing socially too (or more 'outstanding' perhaps) ... and to be a better driver. As for your role as a lifestyle blogger, your Bogan representation should totally count!

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    1. Yes, it totally SHOULD! Somebody has to represent the bogans in the blogosphere. It's my duty.

      As for being more outgoing socially, it's not going to happen for me. But, somebody once told me that although I'm quiet I still have a nice personality, as opposed to being a sullen sort of 'quiet', if you know what I mean. Anyway, I suppose that has to be okay.

      Thanks for reading. xo

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  11. I've got no idea what RSS and SEO are either but I do love a good Faraway Tree story - I'm also a huge fan of Anne of Green Gables too and created an award a while back called the Kindred Spirit Award but it's currently gathering dust in the drawer - how horrified would Marilla be at that? ;-)

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    1. *GASP* She would be as horrified as the time Anne lied and said she had lost her amethyst brooch!! For the love of puffed sleeves, please dust if off!

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  12. Another luddite here! I'm lost when it comes to the technical aspects of blogging. I have brain spasms just thinking about it. You may not SEO or RSS but you Bogan better than any blogger out there. And the blogosphere is all the better for it :-) x

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    1. I would like to to think that I'm a like a breath of fresh bogan air to the blogosphere. Or, not. Take me or leave me, I guess. Mostly the latter, but oh well.

      Thanks for reading.

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  13. Every person is unique. You have your own abilities. Not everyone is going to do everything well. If you manage to figure a few things out in life, you're miles ahead or is it kilometers ahead down under? I used to worry about what I could do and what I couldn't do. Now I just live life without really caring about it.

    Ben :-)

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    1. Not sure how I missed your comment, Ben. Sorry for the late reply. Thanks for the kind words. Similar to what Mick tells me: we can't all be good at everything. You have the right attitude.

      Thanks for reading. xo

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    2. They say that every person has their counterpart. You and my wife Carolyn share many things in common.

      She has the same fears about driving and she often questions herself. She doesn't really care about tech things.

      Mick and I are doing much the same thing with our wives. We're caring, supportive, and try to put things in perspective. Carolyn says that I keep her more grounded.

      I very much enjoyed reading your story. It's good to see that others share your experience.

      Ben (a.k.a, Audiophile Guy)

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