Friday, 17 May 2013

Fifty Shades Of Purple And The C Word


On Tuesday I attended a group called Fifty Shades Of Purple at the Women’s Health Centre here in Boganville. I was most nervous upon leaving the house, and  barely awake as I was expected to be there at the indecent hour of 9.30am. The idea that a busy mother of 3 should be awake and functioning at this time is preposterous. Ahem.  I mean that’s what ABC kids is for, right? So I can sleep in.  Never mind that they have to be at school before 9.20am. Ridiculous .

To make matters worse there appeared to be no reserved car space for me directly out the front with a sign saying RESERVED FOR VANESSA CONNOR. Rude, I tell you. I had to circle the surrounding streets for a full 10 minutes with some arsehole tailgating me, frantically looking for a spot.  There wasn’t one to be found, so I was reduced to parking several streets away in the RSL car park. I reflected that it was odd that we were not members of the local RSL. Our bogan cred is in question.

Breathlessly, I finally arrived at the centre, late of course and was ushered into a room FULL of scary people.  There was at least four of them!! As well as the group leader/coordinator, who is also my counsellor.  Oh and there was a cute little dog, belonging to one of the ladies.  He was some sort of guide dog for PTSD victims which I thought was a smashing idea. And, yes, I should really stop reading Enid Blyton books at my age. 

Anyhoo, we all introduced ourselves  then the session went on to discussing negative self-talk. Apparently I am not the only person who has some crazy bitch talking shit to me constantly in my head. Who knew?

I also realised that I do ALL OF THESE THINGS:

·         Catastrophising

·         Exaggerating the negative and discounting the positive

·         Mind-reading

·         The ‘shoulds’

I have come to strongly dislike the word should and frankly find it most unhelpful in life.  Honestly that negative Nelly in my head with her catastrophic  crap and should, should, should all the bloody time just needs to SHUT RIGHT UP.

After we pondered on all this it was time for some morning tea, which involved coffee and biscuits which was  nearly as good as cake. Not  quite, mind you but the budget probably doesn’t stretch to cakies so I’ve made a mental note: bring cake. Mind you if I actually bake any cake to take with me it will probably be a miracle. (I actually did bake muffins and jam drops, but they have already been eaten. Oops.)

Then, just as I was beginning  to relax into the group, relieved that there would in fact be no bondage involved  in a group named Fifty Shades Of Purple, came the dreaded C word.

CRAFT

I quit Playgroup partly because I was so traumatised by craft. I never wanted to hear the ominous C word again.

We had to make a ‘Kind Card’ for ourselves.  I drew a dodgy flower on the front, then wrote BE KIND TO YOURSELF inside it and coloured in one side with crayons. Clearly I am an artistic genius who has somehow been over looked. The fact that Mr 4 could draw something MUCH better is irrelevant.

The strange thing was that I did find it oddly calming. So perhaps there is something to this craft caper after all. I survived it without feeling like chaining myself up to be whipped would actually be less painful.

Soon after this, the group was finished for the day and I filed out to wait for my next appointment. One of the other ladies was waiting for a taxi and we chatted and discovered we only live a couple of streets away so I offered her a lift for next week. There are six more weeks. I’m looking forward to it.

Yes, even the craft. (Shut up Randa and Poss).


Do you attend any groups? Enjoy craft? Do you also have a crazy bitch in your head telling you shit?

 
Reactions:

19 comments:

  1. This is what I talk about when I talk about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and how it helps with rational thinking. Exactly those things.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I've had a bit of CBT, but find it hard to get into the whole mindfulness thing. Hoping the group and counselling will help.

      Delete
  2. God that crazy bitch in my head never shuts up!

    Had to laugh at the 'smashing idea' - just last night SD was dictating an email to me (watching him type pains me so I do it for him) and he was struggling to describe the people he'd spent the weekend with - I suggested 'splendid chaps' - maybe when Slapdash and I finish that self help book you and I can get together and write a jolly adventure story???

    ps biscuits can't begin to compare to cake - I shall send you some of my banana muffins forthwith!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're writing a self help book?? God help the public...
      I have a negative bitch in my head. She's a crazy little fucker and taunts me as I'm falling asleep with random catastrophic thoughts. I want to strangle her.
      I actually find craft really soothing too, and drawing. Not crafting with children you understand that is farking stressful. But mindless cutting and sticking without little whingey sprogs to bring the whole scene down
      Very zen xx

      Delete
    2. Yes, the self-help book was my idea so I expect a dedication!! You are both so calm and zen and named Sarah so I thought it was obvious you two are the ones to write a book to teach us your secrets to serenity.

      And yes, the adventure book idea sounds SMASHING! See,I'm already ON IT?!

      Banana muffins sound jolly good too.

      Sounds like we all have one of those inner crazy bitches. Craft may not be as evil as I thought, I'm just not very good at it. But, I'm not very good at blogging and that doesn't stop me...

      Delete
  3. Very good! I like your post! Every women's got that crazy woman in our heads. Wish they would go away!
    Mmmm mindfulness I'm starting to really use this technique!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wish my crazy bitch would just f%*$k off.

      I'm starting to use mindfulness too, but struggling with it.

      Thanks for reading.

      Delete
  4. I can relate to the early start. When I have a 9:30 appointment with my Cousellor I waste the first half of the time whinging about how hard it was to be there! Lol. My crazy bitch lives in the past, I am trying to drag her kicking and screaming into the present, although that explains my hobby being crochet! I find colouring in to be very calming and finally, mindfulness and CBT are different. I do better with mindfulness, it doesn't involve negating the past or my reaction to it. xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm really trying to get the hang of this mindfulness thing. Not sure why I'm struggling so much with it. Interesting thought about it not negating the past. Hmmm, hopefully I'll finally 'get it'.

      Delete
  5. I have a crazy bitch telling me shit in my head. She is annoying but sometimes she speaks the truth. I don't do craft so yeah. Which is kinda stupid cause I am a child care teacher (well used to be)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not so stupid then. You must be totally over it.

      Thanks for reading. xo

      Delete
  6. Yep, crazy bitch in residence here too. I fight her but she comes back all the time. I think I need a group like the one you're at. Sounds awesome. Art therapy is great fun. I've done A LOT of group therapy but not for a while. I've done CBT, Positive Psychotherapy, Schema Therapy and Mindfulness. All of it is hard work. I'd rather take Valium. V.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hear you. It really is. SO hard.

      The group is pretty good, but only goes for another 5 weeks.

      Hugs to you. x

      Delete
  7. Oh yeah Ness, I have that evil 'should' bitch in my head too. AND a crystal ball. People don't need to talk - I know what they're thinking. Glad you're going. I really hope the 6 weeks help. And BULLcrap you're no good at blogging. I'd come and hunt you down if you stopped! x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awwww thanks so much, Kim! I think it is helping and yeah, I have a crystal ball too. Sigh.

      Delete
  8. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Definitely have the crazy bitch hanging out in my head almost all the time. I can get her to shut up every once in a while, but it doesn't last long before she starts nagging again. I'm glad the craft wasn't a traumatic experience... I do the crafting thing some, though, not really drawing since the only thing I can draw is a cartoon walrus, but whatevs...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A cartoon walrus is the only thing you would ever need to be able to draw, I expect, so it's perfect.

      So many of these inner crazy bitches. Sigh. Hugs. xo

      Delete