Monday, 27 May 2013

An Idyllic Day

Long ago and far away in the fun and fabulous days of our former bogan existence, life was full of exciting bogan adventures. These adventures often included the wonderful, idyllic days we referred to as our 'Family Fun Days'. This was using the word fun in the same sense of the expression 'Fun Run'. Oxymoron, anyone?  When I remember those grand and glorious days my eyes become misty and I am filled with bittersweet nostalgia.

I recall waking on a Sunday morning feeling zombie like and ancient refreshed and energetic.Micky Blue Eyes hands me a lovely, frothy vegetable juice fresh from the juicer. With beaming eyes he  then utters the fateful words:

"Why don't we go out today for a Family Fun Day?"

Evidently making me drink those juices isn't quite enough torture. The boys greet this suggestion with all the enthusiasm they usually reserve for doing their homework and cleaning their rooms.
On my ideal day I wouldn't wake up to this

"NOOOOO!!" Mr 11 is wild eyed and frantic, while Mr 9 can barely manage a low, pitiful moaning of dull despair. There was no escape. Once Micky Blue Eyes made up his mind we were doomed.

Previous outings had involved driving somewhere in the car. Now, however, we had discovered the "Family Fun Day'.This meant we could purchase a train ticket from Boganville into the city for a family and it would only cost around ten bucks, Mick decided this was a bargain that these non cashed up bogans couldn't miss.

Reluctantly, I showered, dressed and we bundled into the car to drive to the train station.

"Have you got the pram and everything?" I asked as Mick reversed the car from the driveway. He assured me we did and we set off. We parked a block or so away from the station and walked there, avoiding eye contact with the usual unsavoury types loitering around the station negotiating drug deals or whatever it is that they do there. Not sure.  Boganville. So classy. Sigh.

Upon boarding the train, I was assigned to 'stroller sit' while Mick ventured down into the carriage to attempt the impossible. Make three boys with raging testosterone, including a hyperactive three year old sit still and be quiet for the duration of the journey. Good luck with that, I thought as I happily assumed position next to the stroller which was laden with all the essentials for a family day out.

Several minutes passed as the train hurtled along the tracks. At the next stop two young dudes boarded the train and I eavesdropped on their interesting conversation about weed, until they got off a few stops later, possibly to score more weed. Not sure.

At this point, Mick and the boys clambered back up from below. Mr 8 needed to blow his nose. I scrambled in my handbag for a tissue, but came out empty-handed.

"Oh, can't I just wipe it on my shirt?" he wailed.

"NO!" we both shouted, simultaneously. Thankfully, he refrained. We had to resort to using a piece of paper. So elegant.

It was at this point that we realised we had forgotten Mr 3's bag with the change of clothes. Just in case. We could only cross our fingers and pray that he didn't present us with what is known in the Bogan Box as a Mt. Tomah Moment. This refers to the time we went to the Mt. Tomah Botanic Gardens for a picnic and Mr 11 who was then Mr 2 decided to poop his entire body weight, and we had forgotten the nappy bag. Charming.

We finally disembarked at Central station, upon discovering that the train lines were closed, so we would have to walk all the way to the Botanic Gardens. Immediately, the hustle and bustle of the city was completely over-whelming for this Aspergirl. I pondered with some wonder, how I had ever managed to work there a decade ago.

Plodding on , we schlepped up George Street. The boys spotted a Maccas in the distance like a mirage. However there seemed to be even more ratbags and feral bogans loitering around George Street than there were back in our beloved Boganville, so we pressed on until we found another Maccas where the boys filled up on nuggets and fries. After this, we strolled through a rather snazzy and upmarket shopping mall, where I proceeded to go into full on Aspie sensory overload from all the bright shinyness.  Fluorescent lights bouncing off shiny floors, garish Christmas decorations added to the overall effect which resulted in me feeling nauseous.

Feeling sick and light-headed we trudged back past Gucci and Prada.I pondered the fact that even if I had the bucks to shop there, I couldn't stand all the lights and brightness. But I guess that's what online shopping if for, should I ever win lotto.  Eventually we reached the Botanic Gardens where we sat and watched the boats sailing by on the harbour, for a blissful half hour. Mr 3 chased birds around. The other two boys whined that they were bored, shattering our short lived bliss. So it was on to Chinatown, where we had some Chinese food.

While there, Mr 8 exclaimed loudly "Why are there so many Chinese people here? It's FREAKING ME OUT!!"

Awkward. Ahem.

We purchased some fresh fruit at the markets before heading back to Boganville, relieved that yet another Family 'Fun' Day had finally finished.  Just like so many previous ones, which included:

  • Visiting Cronulla Beach. It pissed rain.
  • Visiting the Blue Mountains. Froze our bogan bums off.
  • Visiting the Central Coast by train. We spent most of the day on the train, where we also had to change a 'Mt. Tomah' style nappy while in a cramped country train vestibule trying to hang on for dear life. So. Much. Fun.

I must confess those Family Fun Days were not exactly my ideal day out. We did manage to come close to something resembling my ideal day out recently. During the school holidays we decided to drive to Megalong Valley. On the way up the mountain we stopped at a cake shop. CAKIES! Then at a Vinnies. BOOKS! A day that involves books, cakies and minimum stress is my ideal day out. After this we went for a bush walk, then went to the Megalong Valley Tea Rooms where we had scones with jam and cream. More cakies! Sort of. Not really. But still good. It was a relaxing day out for a change. Still, I can't help feeling like my ideal day at the moment wouldn't really be a day out at all, but a day in.

Alone. Just me, my books, cakies and Carpenters.

Linking up with Kirsty from My Home Truths for I Must Confess.

What is your ideal day out? Or would you prefer a day in, like me?


  1. Too funny Ness!! I had a mt tomah moment yesterday after smugly deciding i did not need to take a million things to a bbq and justfor a few hours!! I am with you on the whle funrun thing!! the 2 words do not go together!! Hope you get your ideal day soon!!

    1. OH those good old Mt. Tomah moments. Always happens.

      Thanks, Ann! xo

  2. Like I said just now - thank goodness there is only one other lady in the office with me today !
    Funny, K said yesterday she thought it would be a good idea to drive out west for 8 hrs and see where we got to and then turn around and come home again. I'm not keen to drive that long but when she told A he was very excited about it - wonder what we are going to be doing when he gets home from Townsville for good ???
    Have the best day !

    1. Yeah, that would be a long drive. We drove all the way to Monkey Mia once years ago.

      Thanks for reading. x

  3. This is too funny!!!! One family excursion I recall involved a trip to Brisbane to an exhibition that the boys did nothing but moan about ..... all ... day ... long. When we got home, MOTH exclaimed what a nice day it had been and I almost ripped his head off. He must have been out with a different family as the whole day was shit, and we've not done it since LOL!

    1. Unless he was being sarcastic I would have ripped his head off too. We do have good family days sometimes, but we have far more bad ones. Sigh.

  4. Too funny! Oddly enough I've been to all those places on family fun days, such great memories.

  5. We had an ideal family day out yesterday, pistol club for shooting things then a highly inappropriate MA15+ movie. If these sorts of activities are not on offer, we generally just stay home :D

  6. You are more game than we are - we rarely go out as a family like that, just too hard with the various needs and preferences of our brood. We are going to try to get out more and try to have family fun days - I'll let you know how we go! BTW, any day involving cake, reading and alone time sounds pretty damn good to me!

    1. Hope it all goes well. I don't know why we feel so much pressure to have fun all the time anyway, as you say reading, cake and alone time is pretty damn good. xo

  7. Oh dear. Yes we have had a couple of family "fun" days like this - eg taking our boat out for some fishing, only to have it refuse to start and needing to be towed back in by Volunteer Marine Rescue ... ;-)

    1. Urrrrg, it's such a shame when things like that happen.

  8. You've really got a great story telling style, Ness. Really enjoyed reading this adventure! Thanks :)

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