Wednesday, 27 February 2013

About A Boy, Or Boys, Actually

The other day I went to pick up Mr 4 from kindy, Mr 11 and 8 trailing behind me. Both had 'graduated' from the same kindy, replete with caps and gowns. Can you believe it? Five year olds 'graduating'? Anyway, as we filed back out the door, the rather talkative lady who runs the day care exclaimed over how much the boys had grown, adding "Are you going to have any more, Vanessa?"

"No," I replied quickly "I'm too old."

She scoffed at this, then declared "But, you have to have a girl!"

Seriously? Is someone coming to arrest me if I don't? Is there a law saying we all have to have at least one child of each gender? Did I miss that memo?

Not that I mean anything against girls. Especially since I used to be one. I'm just bemused by the insistence in society that if your children are all male, you must have a girl. It's not the first time people have insisted this to me. In addition, I often get pitying looks and veiled comments that seem to imply I've been given a dodgy deal having three healthy, gorgeous boys.

Does the opposite happen to parents of only girls?
In a conversation with another Mum at Playgroup, who has one daughter, she confessed that she really wasn't keen to have any more children. The she suggested that I must have kept going for three to get that elusive girl. Not true. After five long years of infertility, I never thought twice about the gender of my children. I was just so grateful to be able have healthy children.

I was convinced I was having a girl, second time around, when I was pregnant with Mr 8.  This was due to a whole load of bollocks I was told by a couple of psychics.  They both predicted that I would have a boy and then a girl by age 32 or 33.

As I was 33 at the time, while pregnant, I believed it.  Well, of course they are going to say this. If someone is pregnant it is certainly going to be one or the other.  At least that way they have a 50% chance of getting some predictions (lies) right!
If psychics are going to make up this stuff, couldn’t they at least be more inventive and make up something really astonishing or super exciting such as 'you are going to give birth to a genius who will discover the cure for cancer.'
Anyway, because I was so convinced I was having a girl, I thought I would find out the sex.  Another boy! Another miracle for me.  We thought we might not have any children at one stage. Oh yeah, I already mentioned that. 

I truly didn’t have any disappointed, let down feeling. 
Even though Micky Blue Eyes goes around telling people that we thought we’d have a third to try for a girl,  such a thought honestly did not enter my mind.  I knew by this time that we only made boys for whatever reason. When I had a late miscarraige at 19 weeks with our third baby, another boy, I was devastated. It wasn't as if I didn't care just because it was boy. So,when we were lucky enough to have a fourth boy, again, I was delighted.

I like being a mother of boys. Yes, there are things that go with it that are tedious.  As much as I don’t have patience for many boy type things. Lego, Star Wars, Spider Man, Lego, Harry Potter, Lego, Lego and more bloody Lego.

Taken by Mr8: some of his favourite things.

Seriously, that stuff is the Cancer of toys. It seems to multiply and spread to the most inconvenient places. Just when you think you have beaten it or contained it one place, there it is again. Everywhere. In the bath tub, backyard, kitchen, and your bed. Right under your backside, naturally, when you heave your weary bones in at midnight, absolutely knackered. 

Plus, we haven't exactly had the most illustrious track record with the stuff, as it has necessitated two trips to the hospital thus far. Once, when Mr 8, then Mr 5, helpfully shoved a tiny piece up his nostril. Another, when Mr 4, then Mr 3, was suspected of swallowing a piece. X-rays confirmed that it was, in fact, a false alarm, thankfully. 
However, I suspect I would have even less tolerance for many ‘girly’ things. Particularly craft. I’m just not that into it. There, I said it. All that glitter, pipe cleaners, felt paper, beads and fiddly crap.

Plus, I don’t really do pink and frilly. Pink makes me puke, generally. No doubt if I'd had a girl or girls I would have crossed over to the pink side and went crazy buying pretty things. Therefore having boys has helped us to save money. (I'm conveniently ignoring the fact that we are flat broke bogans.) I do tend to assume that being boys, when they grow up they will go their own way, while a daughter would stay closer to their parents. However, I probably believe this because I'm still a Mummy's girl (and a Daddy's girl) at 42. Not every female is. Ahem.
As a mother of boys, I also made the decision to call their dangly bits by the correct term. A penis is a penis, the same as an arm is an arm, right? This mortified my mother who had told my brother growing up that it was a ‘Charlie’.  Apparently the look on his face the first time he was introduced to somebody named Charlie was priceless.

We definitely won't be having a daughter. We're done. I had a tubal ligation a few years ago. Therefore the relief I feel every month, getting a period is slightly ridiculous. It's just that after everything about pregnancy being slightly bizarre for me, I fear it could still happen. I tried for years, in my 20's when supposedly women are more fertile. At the time even fertility treatments did not work. With my first pregnancy I didn't even know it was happening until it was all over bar the shouting, as they say. Then, I became pregnant easily twice when I was over 35. Weird. I worry I could be that random strange person who could fall pregnant in my 40's, after having a tubal ligation. I don't want that to happen, even if I could be guaranteed to have a girl. My family is complete.

I feel blessed to have my boys and I hope I can bring them up to be decent men. Even if we are something resembling bogans, at least we are nice bogans. Or noice ones, as the case may be. Also, undoubtedly one of the best things about having boys, apart from all the cuddles, is that Micky Blue Eyes loves taking them out to soccer games and occasionally camping. Which gives me that much coveted quiet time. It’s a win/win  situation for us. 
And one day, I hope, they will eventually lose the fascination with Lego.

Do you have boys? If so, all I really want to know is how to you deal with the Lego?


  1. I have a boy and a girl! Had a girl first, and was then deadset panicking that I couldn't love a boy baby. I know, loser. Turns out I can. Who wouldn't? He is a delight. Also, we are only at the Duplo stage and it is annoying enough. God help me when we move onto the hard stuff. By that I mean actual Lego. Obvs.

    1. I recommend trying to stall introducing the lego as long as possible, if only for the reason that there can be a danger of them putting it in mouths and other places, as I discovered! lol

      It's awesome to have two healthy children, cliche but true. x

  2. People are kind of arseholes sometimes and yep I have heard that said to parents of 3 girls too. I mean, think what you want, but not every thought has to leave your mouth.

    My son had a brain haemmorhage at birth and nearly died (I almost bled to death having him too) and then had 5 lumbar punctures and a couple of CT scans before he was even a month old. He spent his first 2 weeks in an incubator in NICU hooked up to every machine imaginable.

    He was considered at risk of developmental delay until he was 18 months old (though he never was delayed, thankfully), had a stomach operation for pyloric stenosis at 7 weeks and had a neuro surgeon, a paediatrician and a developmental specialist till he was 12 months old plus a visiting nurse who came to the house once a month. Thank gawd for good medical insurance as this was all in Southern California.

    Despite all of this, he is wonderful, healthy, and very bright (now aged 15); he has a few minor issues which most people are totally unaware of. So, no I couldn't give a toss about gender either, and when we had our daughter would definitely have been just as pleased with a boy.

    Healthy baby is absolutely ALL that counts. Anyone who doesn't get that is exceptionally lucky they have nothing more important to worry about for their baby.

    And I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks and though the pregnancy was not planned it was a very painful thing and took a long time to get over. Hugs and stuff.

    1. Oh no, that must have been so scary. I didn't cope so well with boy no 2 having mild hypothyroidism as a baby and all we had to do for that was give him a crushed tablet until he was 2, and then he had blood tests to keep a check on it until he was 5.

      So glad your son is healthy and doing well now.

      Yes, miscarriages are traumatic, sorry to hear about yours. Mine was also too advanced to have a D&C so had to have birth induced. It was awful. So yeah, after all those you experiences you do totally get that nothing els matters besides a healthy baby, as cliched as that sounds.

      Hugs back. x

  3. I don't have any kids, so I can't comment too much... But the Lego thing. Ha! My brother relinquished his at age 16... So you may see a Lego-free world one of these days :)

  4. Right, so that means I only have another 12 years of torture. ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!

  5. I have twin boys and the Lego gets me right up the proverbial!!!
    I've had people look at me slightly disappointed when I tell them my twins are boys. They think that having one of each must be the most ideal situation. Of course, it is. One of each at one hit. Because you know, everything about parenting and children is convenient....not!

    1. Your twins are gorgeous Grace! Yep, children are inconvenient and messy regardless of gender, but we still wouldn't be without them. x

  6. Yep I've got 3 boys and two girls... apparently I'm "gifted" because I birthed boy, girl, boy, girl, boy... go figure! The thing that gets said to me the most is "Don't you own a teevee?". Does my head in.

    Lego doesn't just happen with boys.. I think my girls have a bigger obsession with it than the boys! It's like it breeds all over the floor when you're not looking. My oldest is nearly 18 and I still haven't figured out how to deal with it... I don't think I ever will!!

    MC x

    1. Oh good lord, seriously? Yes, I'll just have to accept the lego. It's not a big deal really.