When you really have no choice but to cope, somehow you do. That's the best I can come up with. Sometimes it seems as if I cope on automatic pilot at the time then fall to pieces later. That does seem to be my tendency.
As I mentioned, Mick had to have chemo which would be ongoing for six months.
Then we found out his brother had Cancer. Only for him, it seemed it was an even more extreme situation. The cancer was in a bad position and quite advanced.
So began a three year battle for him that ended when he passed away on May 13th, 2008.
Previous to this we found out that the Cancer was, in fact, hereditary. It was caused by something called HNPCC which is short for Hereditary NonPolyposis Colorectal Cancer. This means the person (ie Mick) already has genes that would predispose them to certain cancers.
We also found out that I was pregnant again. Something we hadn't really expected, but were thrilled.
Until, at the routine 19 weeks scan, they were unable to find any heart beat. The pregnancy was too advanced so I would have to deliver the baby.
Once again we were having to experience the unthinkable. I delivered our stillborn son, Daniel, on 24th August, 2007. The cord had wrapped around his neck.
I have to admit I've struggled rather a lot in the following years. Paranoia pervaded my every thought and I became fearful and anxious waiting for the next terrible thing to happen.
I was convinced we were cursed or jinxed. I tried to remember if I'd ever broken a mirror or a black cat had crossed my path. And I'm not usually superstitious. But suddenly I was.
Which wasn't extremely helpful because I was pregnant again. But of course this time all went well.
|A blessing after a lot of heartache on November 2, 2008|
After a shaky start (I was horribly sick for the first trimester) and a dramatic finish (emergency cesarean) Mr 4 was born on November 2, 2008. I'm assuming we just don't have girls for whatever reason. But that's fine, all I wanted was a healthy, living, breathing baby.
I love having boys.
However, I am still trying to cure my paranoia after yet another family member now has Cancer.
I'll also be holding my breath until December 14th, when Micky Blue Eyes has his colonoscopy. Hoping to be boring.
"It's all very boring," the doctor informed us a year or two ago after the procedure. Immediately we decided that we love nothing more than being boring. Boring is the best.
Bring on boring.
Have you ever felt cursed or jinxed? Are you superstitious?