Thursday, 17 May 2012

The Box

Home is a charming, quaint, little cottage. ie. an old, tiny fibro in Boganville, obviously. We desperately need to upgrade or renovate. 

"It has potential." Micky Blue Eyes commented when we originally bought the home.  Yes, it certainly did have potential. In the following ways:

  • Potential to grow mould on the roof and ceilings of the front bedrooms.
  • Potential for the roof to leak (tragically our boys will never be able to thank us during their wedding speech for bringing them up 'under a roof that didn't leak'. This is how Mick thanked his parents during his speech at our wedding).
  • Potential to cause all five of us to suffer from lifelong paralysing claustrophobia.
  • Potential to cause chills in winter as it so cold. Brrrrrrrrr.
  • Potential to feel like a sauna during summer as it is so hot. Phew.
  • Potential to become a gigantic, cluttered mess- FAST, due to lack of space.
  • Potential to look rather pitiful among some of the other renovated or knock down/rebuilt  homes popping up on our street.
Still, it is our house. We own it, not a bank. Aren't we lucky?  So we try to make the best of it.  Mick started painting. I helped.  (Making him cups of coffee is helping, isn't it?)

  It is half done.  Hopefully the half done look is in, as it may not be finished for another ten years.  The other day we noticed that Master 3 has already helpfully scribbled on the fresh paint. A very cutting edge look indeed, so we might just go with it.

We also have a lovely combination of mismatched, dodgy furniture, including a sofa bed that doesn't match the two dilapidated recliners.  A kitchen sideboard cupboard with the glass missing out of the doors.  And a wardrobe in the boys bedroom which can't be shut. All so very classy and in keeping with our true bogan status.

I'm sure our home could be a candidate for a Home Beautiful shoot.  If there was a Home Beautiful for Feral Bogans issue that is.  Unfortunately, Micky Blue Eyes and I are of the stressy types who would not be able to sleep at night with the worry of a massive debt/mortgage over our heads. Others wouldn't be able to sleep at night in Boganville, ironically.  Me, I'm a born and bred bogan, so I don't know any different. So here we stay, debt free and bogans.

Meanwhile, we can always keep dreaming of the day we become Cashed Up Bogans and finally get that McMansion in Boganville Heights. It's always better to dream big, I find.

Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Miscellaneous Morsels

A few days ago I appeared to be in a cooking mood.  I made Spicy Puke ie curry, rice pudding and pikelets. I totally forgot that you're supposed to take artfully lit photos of these tempting treats, so you'll just have to imagine them.  All of these offerings were actually partaken of and consumed.  This is a monumental event in our house.

Truthfully, I will never be auditioning for Master Chef. Or even Mediocre Chef.  Even though, in reality every meal here feels like a Master Chef challenge, with my boys being tougher critics than Matt Preston and co.  It is quite the challenge trying to feed them.
Master 8 will scoff grilled fish with enthusiasm, one night, exclaiming "Mmmmm! I LOVE fish!" So then, I confidently serve fish again with flourish the following week only to hear: "Yuuuuuck!! I HATE fish!"

This battle started from the day they were born.  I sucked at breast feeding. The baby didn't.  I felt like a failure.  The feeding problems persist to this day.

Cake made by my Mum for my 40th birthday.Who needs Masterchef, I have my Mum.
My mother happens to be the best cook in the whole world. Makes melt in your mouth apple pie.  The Best Caramel Slice In The World Ever.  That's what I call it.  Because it is.

Unfortunately I did not inherit this ability.  Sometimes my culinary efforts are fine.  Often they aren't.  It may have more to do with the fact that I frequently  can't be bothered more than anything else. I'm sure I could become reasonably competent in the kitchen if I could somehow summon up the interest and desire to do so.

Somehow when you have three fussy kids and this has to be done everyday it suddenly becomes a massive chore. "Get them involved" say the 'experts' "Get them into the kitchen, cooking with you."  Yeah right. It's all very well for the Jamie Oliver's of the world to suggest this, but they obviously don't  have a kitchen the size of a postage stamp.   Frankly if I put on any more weight, I'll have a hard enough time fitting in there myself let alone getting my kids in there as well.

Besides, they only want to help if we are making something cake like, so they can make a gigantic mess, with flour everywhere, get to lick the bowl then leave me with said gigantic mess to clean up. As well as cakie things which they won't eat because they weren't made by Grandma.  I will then proceed to eat all of them, when I really shouldn't.

I also hear all these stories of children who just love vegetables.  When I announce I can never get my boys to eat anything green, such as broccoli (I don't think their own snot counts) other parents stare at me open mouthed. "Really?" they say "I just tell them it's little trees and they eat it." So I attempted to convince Master 3 to eat it with this method "Look at the little trees!" I said, with as much enthusiasm as I could muster.  Truthfully I don't really get that excited over it either, at least not as excited as I do over chocolate and cakies, but I had to try to convince him.

Master 3 then proceeded to show me exactly what he thought of my pathetic attempts at vegetable consumption coercion by throwing the 'little trees' at me. He also threw the burgers we had last night.  When I informed him we were having burgers he reminded me rather scornfully "You get those at McDonald's you know." perhaps also inferring that they might be superior to anything I could cook.

Is it foolish to keep repeatedly trying to make healthy meals for your kids when they are happier with fish fingers and two minute noodles? And I'm happier with a lot less washing up? I think I'll just go with the second option tonight.